Increasing dysphoria and thoughts of suicide.

It's really terrible, I know how you feel. I've experienced it myself, and it hurt my emotional state a lot. It still does. One solution is to go see a counselor at your school, or someone you know is going to keep your situation confidential. If you can't do that, I suggest talking to someone to at least get your feelings out. You can also come to us for advice, or to at least know someone's here for you. You're worth more than you think, just keep on trucking.

 

What HopefulRebecca said. If you do not have access to support or help, what I personally do is I make promises. Like can you promise someone that you'll be safe until tomorrow? Can you promise us that? Can you promise yourself, or a friend IRL? Maybe write it on paper? The one rule is: you can't die. Do anything, but die. That's what my therapist tells me. Another thing I did was I dyed my hair red. On the rainbow, red symbolizes life/being alive. Therefore it would be ironic if I died. So that was like a self promise I made. Also, don't keep knifes by your bedside.

Most importantly though, find help. Tell SOMEONE.

 

Here's my thought: If you commit suicide, then how will you ever be able to see that beautiful woman in the mirror?

 

The people above me are right. My best advice is to talk to a therapist or any professional that can help you out, not only about your dysphoria, but also your thoughts on suicide.
Please stay safe, okay?

 

Found this online:
The Trevor Project:
Our trained counselors are here to support you 24/7. If you are a young person in crisis, feeling suicidal, or in need of a safe and judgment-free place to talk, call the Trevor Lifeline now at 866-488-7386.

 

Is there nobody close to you that you can confide to? A close friend or an adult you trust not to tell your parents but you can confide to?
Maybe you should tell your parents you feel really depressed and your starting to have these thoughts and ask for counseling. A counseler can't tell your parents what you talk about with them unless they feel your life in endager so I think you could trust them really well, specally if you tell them you aren't ready to tell your parents about your gender wishes.
Writing a letter would help a lot and keeping a note book where they cant find it.

 

If you think you're in danger of hurting yourself, the first thing you need to do is move the pocket knives. Put them somewhere hard to get. Put them somewhere that you can't make an impulsive decision, where it takes enough time to get them that you have to think about it before you do it, and you have time to stop yourself.

Something I like to do is to make plans for the future. I think about when I'll be able to get on T and how amazing it will be then. I remember that all this pain is temporary. Come up with a range in your head of when you might be able to get on E, or whatever transition options you're hoping for. That gives you an endpoint for at least some of your dysphoria. It gives you a goal: live this long and then things will really get better. Remember also that it's not like everything is going to be horrible until that date. Transitioning is full of a million tiny steps in the right direction, and you'll take many of those steps before you reach milestones like physical transition. Every step you take is going to make it all a little better. Look forward to every single one of those steps.

If you can, talk to a friend. If you can't, keep talking to people online. It's important to have people to talk to about how you're feeling. And it's important to have people who can do simple things like call you by the right name and pronouns, even if it's just online.