A lesbian dating a trans man?

I'd consider that more on the bisexual side of things myself. I'd assume in this case it's due to lack of deep knowledge on the subject... these things aren't exactly taught properly, in most places. There's probably a more accurate word for her orientation. But it's technically more accurate to say I'm homoflexible, but I simply say I'm gay for the simplicity and the fact that more people know the term.

I could be wrong, of course. I just know many people are ill-educated on LGBT issues and terms since society likes to pretend we don't exist for the most part.

 

It sounds like she's attracted to femininity, not to people of specific genders, and that's totally okay (I suspect she wouldn't be attracted to a trans man who passes because he wouldn't look feminine). Her attraction and how she chooses to define it is her prerogative. As long as she can acknowledge that when she dates a trans man, she is a lesbian dating a man, it's not transphobic. That being said, I still think most trans men aren't going to want to date her because most trans men aren't going to want to be with someone who's attracted to them for their femininity.

 

Some people's sexuality is based on sex, others gender, and others both.

So for some lesbians, they are only attracted to people who identify as women, regardless of what's in their pants. Other lesbians are only attracted to people who have vaginas, regardless of what identity is in their head. And other lesbians are only attracted to women identified people with vaginas.

It's up to them how they identify themselves but they shouldn't date people who they are invalidating. it IS transphobia.

 

It really bothers me when lesbians say they like trans men, because that tells me they only think about what's in my pants and don't actually see me as a man. Hypothetically, if I dated a lesbian and she insisted on referring herself as such if we were together, that tells me she sees me as a woman--which is insulting, offensive, and super transphobic.

 

I have dated a trans man before. Sexuality and gender are very complicated!!

Sometimes people hold onto labels very tightly because society will say things like you *chose* to be gay. In order to make it real that we are either gay, straight, bisexual, whatever we hold onto these identities very firmly because we are scared. A person who identifies as a straight man might be frightened over the idea that maybe there is a man in the world they could fall in love with and have a great relationship. A person who identifies as a lesbian may be frightened over the idea maybe there is a man in the world they could fall in love with and have a great relationship. In the queer community we also encounter people on the gender spectrums, sometimes they challenge how we identify or how we demonstrate outselves to others.

When I dated a trans man, it was great (minus the break-up). We started dating before my partner transitioned. I will say being completely honest, dating a trans man is different from dating a cis man. Both are men of course, but a lot of the lesbians I know (including myself) have an appreciation for trans men because the ones we dated were awesome (minus one my friend dated). I felt more freedom in my relationships and encounters with trans men in comparison to my highschool relationships with cis men.

So not only is gender a social construction in society, so is sexual orientation. I know there are studies and reports scientists do trying to find a gay gene or some evidence of homosexuality. The truth is I don't think humans have evidence of being straight, bisexual, or gay biologically speaking. I think we created these labels to organize our society based on what we mostly do and like. Again, I think people are scared of the idea of not having a sexual orientation carved in stone.

As to whether or not it is offensive to trans people that a lesbian will date a trans man but not a cis man, it will vary. It's an interesting topic because most trans people or even fluid people will challenge everything we ever known about gender and sexual orientation. That's where we begin to grow as people

 

I'm in relationship with a cis woman and when we started our relationship I wasn't out yet at all about being Trans. Now that I'm transitioning to a man we are still together. We joked the other day if that ment we were a gay couple or a strieght couple. Honestly, I feel like everyone is Bisexual, but people just choose to have sex with mostly one gender or strictly that gender for different reasons. We all have the ability to love whatever gender, both genders at the same time, or no gender at all. I don't like sexual preference labels. I don't agree to the labels of 'gay' or 'lesbian'

So to answer your question: No, she should not still claim the title of lesbian, but the only reason I feel that way is because I don't belive in those titles.

 

While I don't think there's something inherently wrong with lesbian-identified people experiencing attraction to trans guys - or cis guys, for that matter (and I mean this in the 'labels can be fuzzy' way, as a person who often calls themself a lesbian purely because my skew towards liking girls is so major I may as well be a lesbian most of the time)...I am very iffy on this particular lesbian's stance, judging by what she's said.

It's one thing to have exceptions to the rule, or to use 'lesbian' loosely as a label, but what she says sounds very much like she's lumping non-physically-transitioned guys in with girls and that certainly puts my back up a bit.

For example, if I were with a trans guy and he wasn't comfortable with me self-describing as a lesbian (who happens to also be into guys on rare occasions) for the duration of our relationship...I'd understand that, y'know? I'd be happy to switch it for one of the more technically accurate labels instead.

I think it boils down to why a person calls themself a lesbian, really, and how they regard guys they're attracted to. If the attraction to trans guys is because she considers them to be women or equivalent to women, then yeah, that's pretty transphobic in my opinion.

 

I agree that sometimes people change labels as they learn more about themselves and use language to describe their experiences. I personally don’t see anyone’s identity as set in stone because I have met people who have had these moments in their life when they did not fit their label. I have met lesbians who later married cis men, I met straight men who later had relationships with men, I met lesbians such as myself who dated trans men. When people make these changes or have surprise moments in their life they don’t necessarily erase the meaning of our past relationships, they open our minds.

My love for people is not their genitals, gender identity, or anything else- my love is about the appreciation I have for someone. When I said I have appreciation for trans men, my intent is not to glorify them or imply they are not ‘real men’. I appreciate the trans men I have been with because I appreciated them as people before their identity. I was never afraid of my feelings towards anyone (e.g. sexual, emotional, romantic) which sometimes I think feelings do scare people and make them hide from themselves. I acknowledge my partners identity and experience, but my partners were beyond those things. For example, I dated someone who was very intellectual, in tune with others, independent, up for a challenge, loved to make jokes, challenged the way I saw the world- and they came out as a trans man.

I think any partner who appreciates and adores you and vice versa is worth keeping around- even if they don’t fit your or society’s definition or expectation of any label.

As for being offended, people will vary based on how it affects them. When I dated a trans man, all the labels were turned and flipped upside down. Even though we didn't have answers to all the questions, we didn't bother trying to answer them. We just appreciated each other. If people needed an answer, I said I was queer, the term was very fitting for my experience. Maybe this lesbian on the internet story is experiencing something similar. She doesn't know why she's attracted to trans men, or is willing to consider them as partners, she just knows from experience being in a relationship with trans men works for her, even if she doesn't have all the answers.

 

I'm just gonna say it right now. Even if a woman was the most beautiful woman in the world and I was attracted to her, my boner would die if she told me she was a lesbian. Lesbian = likes women. If a lesbian's attracted to me (and she does not even like cis men, let's say), that tells me she doesn't actually see me as a man. I want my partners to see me as male.

In fact, I generally prefer bisexual partners anyway, regardless of gender, because I feel like we have more in common and I don't have to worry about them judging me for being bisexual.

 

well, it is kinda strange. if she were attracted to butches that would be a bit more understandable but the fact that she is mainly attracted to femmes. Trans guys tend to be masculine but there are feminine ones out there. I say if the guy knows shes a lez and he's cool with it WHO THE FUCK CARES LET THEM BE HAPPY.