Ive always been a tomboy. I as the only girl in a house of 3 boys, and i was the only one who was athletic, and had a lot of male traits. By the time i was 12, i was regularly getting mistaken for a boy, not that it bothered me any, but this continues to happen to me as 20year old. I know that part of it is because ive always dressed andro,and i have very neutral face and body shape. As a teen, i never considered myself gay. I had my V card till I was 19 when I meet my first serious boyfriend. Although we had sex regularly, i was reluctant to tell him yes, and it wasnt long before i realized i didnt really care for the sex, or being intimate with him in general. It just didnt feel "right", and i was so out of place. Needless to say, the relationship ended, i never told this guy about all these things, but it was other year before could recognize it for myself. I think I have to stop fighting who I am, even now im not sure if im FtM, but i do at least know im Andro. Once I started being real with myself, i decided to just try things out and see how it made me feel. First I stopped working out just to exercise, but to actually gain muscle and size. Secondly, I cut my hair off! It was past my shoulders and one day i said "this isn't me, this is the pretty girl my mom wanted", and the next month i had it cut to a clean buzz. Then i accepted that my first name has always made me ill at ease. After sitting on this decision for a few months, I legally changed my first name to Aeron....Next I was shopping (exclusively) from the men's department and buying men's deodorant. Then I started wearing boxers, and NEVER wanted to go back to female underwear. (Even the word "panties" makes me cringe). Throughout this whole year or so, I remained single and i noticed i was allowing my imagination to allow feelings for other women. I still havent done anything sexual with a woman, but I dont find myself sexually attracted to men. Lately more and more the girls have my attention! What do you guys think? Does anything sound familiar to those of you who have trans'd? What should I do moving forward? Any ideas or opinions would be helpful! thanks!
