Hey all, so I guess here's another thread on gender questioning. My dysphoria is never too bad subjectively speaking, it fluctuates most days (though I suppose that's normal), and how I feel about myself/my gender is hard to pinpoint as well. I know that it's difficult to pinpoint gender identity exactly because it's not always a constant "I feel certainly like (insert gender here)" For some while I've been wondering if I'm a transguy- there are signs pointing in that direction, but other days I feel a lot a lot less certain of it. Like I said, my dysphoria fluctuates and some days I feel totally fine with everything, or totally neutral to everything. And some days I don't feel like really anything at all, so I also sometimes wonder if I'm agender, or if my gender is simply fluid (though not necessarily between girl/boy) ...Oh might I add that for many years I've identified/presented as a cis girl and had little problems with it. Looking back there really weren't that many signs, so I suppose that adds to the doubt sometimes. It's only more recently I've began realizing things and figuring stuff out. Does anyone have any pointers or insight? I'm probably just going to give myself some time and space to figure things out and accept it all, but it'd be nice to hear some thoughts. Thank you (*hug*)
I'm not a gender specialist, so I lack authority in this regard, but from what it sounds like... You seem like a unique individual, who wants to be more expressive and feel less limited in your options to be so. From what you've shared, you seem to be still finding yourself, which can be a rather confusing and even frustrating period. Is it possible you're trans-something? Yes. But you have to ask yourself, is it who you are that you seek, or is it the expectations ("gender roles") of society you want to disregard? Folks appear to be mixing the two, though I understand why, as they can overlap. But it is a very important distinction that needs to be made.
Yes perhaps, I am thinking sort of in this direction some days. However it's a hard distinction to walk between- am I really genderfluid, or is it just my dysphoria and mood changing sometimes? I'll see what I find out as time goes on. Thanks for the reply Kaiser. You're right in the sense that I do usually seek to express myself and be more liberated in that way, and sometimes society doesn't always enable that. I suppose that can play a part. However when taking my gender expression and the enforced gender roles into consideration and with a grain of salt, I do see and feel signs that point me towards certain directions gender-wise, and there is a possibility that I am trans, or my gender is nonbinary...I do feel quite connected at times with being a guy, or other genders, but not quite so much being a girl. It's my hope to find myself in the process and I think that will take a lot more time, to sort through these feelings and various factors that overlap with each other. I suppose I just need to give myself the room to do so. Maybe sometime in the future I will find that answer...for now I'm just going to take into consideration what you said, and what I've read around here, and see what I might figure out.
From a lot of your replies to posts I've made in the past and what you describe here, I think we have a fairly similar experience going on when it comes to gender. ...Which leaves me as a very bad advice-giver, because my eventual decision (as of the moment) has been to forgo specific labels entirely and just work with what I've got: a preference for neutral pronouns, the tendency to check the 'Other' box when presented with one, and the certainty that my gender isn't 100% on either side of the binary. If I am a girl, I'm very bad at being one, haha. No need to answer this particular, but what does your dysphoria tend to focus around, and what helps alleviate it? Sometimes that's worth examining because it might help point you in the direction of what you're most comfortable being seen as and/or referred to as, and what you're not. (I pretty much figured out I definitely wasn't a binary trans guy when I was presenting as male(ish) 24/7 at college. Was it nice? Absolutely. Did I want that all the time? Absolutely not, I discovered, because there were days I actively wanted to present as not male and it made me really uncomfortable on those days that I looked like a teenage boy in a pink sparkly shirt. Which would be fine if that's how I'd wanted to look that day!) Blanket labels can be useful if you're struggling to put too fine a point on it...but also want to put at least some kind of a point on it. Sometimes there is no specific word for your collection of experiences. Genderqueer, non-binary, genderfluid (if applicable!), they're all relatively vague and have a lot of wiggle room. (Also, re: genderfluidity - the closest thing I have to a litmus test for the 'is it just lesser/greater dysphoria days?' question is to examine your feelings towards presenting/self-describing as a certain gender over time. For example, do you feel positive towards being male/agender/female/etc at certain points, or simply neutral towards it? Keep track of how you feel, and what genders you feel comfortable/neutral/negative towards being on both dysphoric and less-dysphoric days.) I hope I've been helpful? Feel free to swing by my wall whenever, as well - I'm always happy to compare experiences and help folks think through stuff if that would be useful.
Thank you so much for the reply; I do feel we may have some similar experiences ^^ I think it's great that you're happy to not use specific labels for now, honestly my philosophy is that if you're happy as you are, just go for it and keep doing what you're doing. I hope it's okay if I answer your questions here just to think things out? You really don't have to respond to my drabble, just writing out my thoughts Alright, as for the dysphoria...I find it fairly hard to pinpoint. Sometimes it's just a general feeling of discomfort, or wanting a typical guy's body. I'm not very happy with my chest in public, though I have no idea what that stems from. To alleviate it I bind almost every day when I go out; I feel pretty uncomfortable when I can't. It's like as soon as I discovered it, I began to prefer it, and now I don't like going out without a relatively flat chest. Sometimes I feel it's my femininity and face as well. I have a fairly feminine face and my hair is also too long for a guy's- it's short yes, but it falls all over the place and I can't make it look right. I've found I've felt really happy those days I look much more like a guy, or more masculine than how I usually am. Or at the very least very neutral. I also pack on some days when I feel the need/desire to, which is maybe 50% if not more of the time. Other days I'm more neutral and I feel...more apathetic really, which is also what I sometimes feel looking in the mirror. It's not that I hate anything or love it. Sometimes I just feel utterly disconnected from my body like, there it is, there's everything. Fine. It doesn't mean much, it's just my body. I used to not mind being referred to as she, daughter, girl, etc. I never felt a real connection to those terms, I never heard myself being referred to as "my daughter" and actually felt the that means I'm a girl, I'm my parents daughter, I'm female connection. It's also that disconnect like oh, it's just something I'm called. More recently though, I've definitely felt discomfort being referred to by pointedly and heavily female terms, like my dad saying "you're my girl and my daughter, you're finally being the woman you're supposed to be" and it felt terrible to hear that. I'll observe how I feel over a period of time and maybe I'll have a clearer picture- I don't want to jump to any conclusions at the moment, though I might try out some pronouns/presentations/etc to see how I feel best. You've been really helpful and I really appreciate the time you took to write this out- and thanks for the wall offer! I might just give myself some time for now (floating peacefully in the label-less area for the time being)- we'll see how it goes- and maybe we can have a chat sometime in the future. (And also feel free anytime to message me as well!) ...Just realized this reply is a lot longer than I thought...oops :lol:
Everyone has fluctuating dysphoria, so that wouldn't affect your gender unless you felt dysphoric towards a male body. Just think about how you want to be biologically, if you think about what you "feel" like you'll never get anywhere.
I don't think I ever feel dysphoria when I think of myself in a male body- or I don't think I do. The only thing is sometimes I feel a bit iffy about genitals or whatnot, but otherwise... There are definitely days I want to be a male biologically; I guess one of the stronger reasons why I'm not so sure about it is how difficult that will be to achieve, so I try to be content as I am. And as my feelings/dysphoria fluctuate and sometimes I feel pretty alright, I'm still not that sure on my gender or what I want. I guess sometimes I take my neutrality towards my female body as being happy with it, if that makes sense, so there's always that hesitation. I guess I will just take some time considering all these factors, and of course the biological desire, and give myself some time. Thank you for the reply baconpox (*hug*) And thanks everyone for the replies and advice!
