Hello, So, I'm in college and have been very well accepted as Caleb/Cael here. It's lovely. But when I go home it's always "Caroline" this and "she/her" that, or even "our daughter". Basically when I'm with my parents, who I'm out to mind you, there is this constant barrage of negativity and it came back with me to college. Like when I go to hang out with my friends it's all well and good (I even went back to my old high school theatre department after having a friend tell about me and my transliness ahead of time to get a feel for the climate (there were some issues last year, including use of the t word and other things) which I won't go to much into.) But basically all this dysphoria got pent up from that and now every little thing is bothering me again. Like whenever someone slips up with my pronouns it stings more, or whenever I see myself or hear myself I want to cry and it's just so frustrating. I'm planning on calling CAPS (our schools mental healthcare department) and setting up another appointment, but I don't know what to do about all this dysphoria I'm feeling. I've been able to explain it over text but not so much in person to people, and it's frustrating because I want to talk to someone but whenever someone asks me how I'm doing it's like my throat closes up and I just say I'm fine when I don't think I am. Plus everyone at my University tells me I'm so strong for dealing with all this, but they don't get it... I have to, otherwise no one will even try to see me as I am, as a guy, and I don't think I could handle being viewed as a girl anymore. And since I'm pre t and I hardly pass at all, being stealth isn't an option. That's not bravery, that's necessity. I'm also taking some natural hormone supplements to try to increase testosterone and decrease estrogen, if that could factor into this, on top of my depression medications. But I've looked through this and they shouldn't interfere with each other. Plus I've been taking them for a while without feeling this way so I think it's more of a "I was home being consistently misgendered" thing and not a hormone imbalance thing. I got a bit carried away there. But I wanted to explain the situation best as possible. The point I'm trying to make is does anyone have any tips for dealing with pre-HRT dysphoria? Any help is appreciated, especially if it's affordable or free (since I'm a poor college art student) Caleb
