Should I do it?

I recently have been in a very bad place. I just feel so worthless and down because I cannot be myself, it feels like I don't exist because I cant express myself. I have had one of the worst weeks I have had in a long time. I am just depressed beyond belief and feel like shit all the time,

Yesterday I had some friends over. I was given some money buy my parents and we went to CVS, where I bought some eyeliner. I was planning on this for a long time. After fiddling around with the eyeliner and instantly feeling better than I had in days. It was really an amazing experience.

Now I really, really want to wear the eyeliner to school. I really dont care what people say or think, because I will be so happy it will not matter. The only problem is my parents seeing me wearing this. If I do go with the idea of wearing eyeliner to school, I would have to do the secretive teenager phenomenon of applying and taking of the makeup at school.

My parents are supportive, but they just dont want me to express myself apparently. I have started to see a gender therapist, which is fantastic, and I know that they want me to be happy. Except they are very adamant about me not going to any kind of LGBT+ support group, either my schools GSA or any group at the LGBT+ center. This is frustrating and I don't understand it. I recently acheived victory and can now wear nail polish, once again amazing.

I really want to be comcfortable in my skin and not want to die, but I dont want to betray my parents will, even though that their wishes are to ban me from the things that allow me to be comfortable.

This is all so frustrating!! Does anyone have any advice? Should I follow my gut and feel good about myself and restore the little self confidence that I have? Or would it be better to sit back and wilt?