Can anyone relate to this/have they resolved this conflict: I'm a highly closeted trans woman. I am sexually attracted to men, but sometimes I find women... arousing?, and I'm not sure if this is envy or genuine sexual attraction. It's also more so with clothed women than naked women. My ideal fantasy is being a woman with a man. I never fantasize about myself having sex with women, either as a man or a woman. I'm not sure if I'm purely an androphile or if I'm more bisexual. I feel like if I were to fully transition my feelings towards women would go away, but I'm not sure.
I can relate as well, though my situation isn't the same as yours in some senses. I won't go into detail about my own situation, but just to let you know you aren't alone. I'm fairly confident in my sexual orientation/bisexuality but there is some stuff within that that sometimes confuses me, and what you wrote resonates in some respects. In general though I've wondered a lot about this and I'd like to hear some insight on it as well, if anyone could provide any.
I feel like if I was born a guy I would probably like women exclusively. I really feel more attraction and connection to women, but a part of me is unsure whether I really wouldn't enjoy a relationship with a man. I think I always assumed subconsciously that I was supposed to date men because that's what girls just do. It wasn't until after high school that it really occurred to me that it was possible to be in love with a woman, even exclusively to want to be with women. I admired other girls growing up and thought they were very beautiful, but I felt like I looked up to them at that point. I had a crush on a best friend during the first two years of high school, but I sort of brushed it off as misinterpreted feelings. I've felt unsure about my sexuality for a long time, and the best thing I can tell you is it takes time, patience, and listening to your feelings to find what you like and who you are. I was born female, but sometimes I feel very masculine. I've considered that I might be trans before, but I've never felt strongly about myself being male. The closest I would say is slightly gender fluid, but even then I feel more female, just a masculine female.
Yeah I am much the same in that I've dated women predominantly because thats what men do. I've never like initiated the relationship though. It's always been girl likes me, I give her what she wants physically, and while I enjoy the human contact, I'm mostly in it for the emotional connection. After a while I've managed to develop a sexual attraction to these women, but I've never been physically attracted to the right parts... if that makes sense... like I think most men are very attracted to breasts and butts, but they do nothing for me. I'd like to have breasts, but they're not really sexual at all for me, more like I feel like I should have breasts... if that makes sense. I've never been with a man, half because I'm terrified of the stigma and half because the men in my life have been very abusive, so I've always had trouble even having male friends.
