Is it possible I'm trans? suicial thoughts

Dysphoria is different for everyone. Some transmen only have top dysphoria, some only have bottom, some have both, etc. Some trans people don't have surgery of any kind done, operations won't determine your gender.
I knew because I was trying to figure out why I felt so....off. So one day I binded my chest and got my hair cut short.
The feeling lessened and then everything sort of clicked. It was always right in front of me but I just always turned my head the other way. Simple things like me not understanding why I had to wear 'girl' clothes, or why I felt so horrified when I got my first....period.

Only you can know for sure. It's more about what you feel like you are.

 

Have you tried seeking out a LGBT center or a counselor/therapist well versed in gender or at the very least LGBT issues? That's a good starting place.

 

My girlfriend is like this, except she isn't hurting like you are. I am so sorry that you feel this way. She tells me all the time that she loves her breasts, but that she wishes she had a penis at times. She also dresses very masculine. She considers herself as genderqueer or agender. She bought herself a packer and loves it. She said it makes her feel like she has an actual penis.

I think more of how she feels is fantasy and desire, where you feel more transgender. But let me tell you, you will be ok. I have seen so many people on this forum who used to be suicidal and got great advice from others and are now extremely happy. Just hang in there, talk to as many people as you can, and try to stay positive. It will be ok. <3

 

Sounds a difficult time for you and scarey
I can relate because lately I have been going through sex and gender upheaval
As painful and frightening as it is - this is the path to finding our true self and that is a good thing right ...
Being in denial is horrible and suffocating -
I am so thankful we live in an age that is more open and helpful and that there are people out there who can help

I wish u all
The best and to remember what ever our sex or gender comes to rest on we are good people with heart and spirit and none of that changes

 

Being unsure of how to name what you're feeling is one of the most frightening places to be in the whole coming out process. I remember well when I was in that place... for a time (longer for some than for others), it's easier to push these feelings of being different or wanting to change to the back of our minds - when the pain of not *knowing* whether we are trans (or genderqueer or gay or anything!) or doing anything about it is still less than the pain and fear of what will happen, what or who we will lose if we move forward. But eventually, the former pain will start growing. And when the pain of not knowing and not living authentically becomes equal to or greater than that fear, you know it's time to make a change.

It sounds like this is where you are at right now. You are doing the absolute right thing - reaching out for support both here on EC and meeting with a counselor in person. It's okay to be scared. Just don't stop reaching out and finding people to talk to.

 

You don't want to really die before you understand yourself, right? We're here to help you. Almost everyone on this forum has been through something at least remotely similar to what you're experiencing.

I knew I was transgender when I'd had enough of forcing myself to act male and live up to others' expectations of manliness. Too much of it was too removed from who I was on the inside. I have always felt that I could relate to females way better than I could men. When I referred to myself as a female, it felt right, and I embraced it. I was confused as a child. I was confused, angry, and depressed as a teenager, and pretty broken by adulthood. Now thing's are a lot better. But I have lingering conditions that I take medication for. Some days are still hard to get through.

The end of the journey won't be paradise. It will only be the beginning of a new journey with new challenges. You'll be stronger than before, but vulnerable to hurt emotions, bad memories, personal crisis. That's why it's important to have your doctors, counselors, and of course, support forums. (*hug*)

Keep us updated. Best of luck to you, blackoutbear.