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Let's Talk About Public Bathrooms

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by WhereWeWere, Oct 27, 2015.

  1. WhereWeWere

    WhereWeWere Guest

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    Public Bathrooms. The two words that transgender people hate put together. Makes people like us wanna hiss at it and then hide under a bed like a cat. I was talking to my friend earlier about how when I started transitioning, when I use the men's restroom, I'd look like the one guy who uses the stalls because he's self-conscious about his size. She then asked, "But why wouldn't you still use the women's restrooms?"

    I told her, "I don't think the ladies would appreciate a man using their bathroom."

    She said, "But you'll still have 'lady' parts."

    Now this is where the sex vs gender thing gets a little fuzzy. I've heard about the thing in Houston, where some people think allowing transgender women into the women's bathroom will make them molest little girls.

    I personally find that ridiculous, I mean, if a dude was going to molest a girl, a sign isn't going to stop him. There are also no cases of an actual transgender woman molesting a little girl in the bathroom. Also, why would a rapist go as to far as dressing up like a woman to just perv on girls in the bathroom? None of it seems to add up.

    Don't even get me started on the "I don't want my little girl/boy being exposed to the opposite sex's genitalia". Seriously? Who's pulling down their pants in the middle of a bathroom? Nobody. Speaking of genitals, there isn't going to be someone standing outside of the bathroom, checking what fun parts you have down there.

    In whole, my opinion is: if people interpret you as a man, if you look like a man, use the men's restroom. If people interpret you as a woman, if you look like a woman, use the woman's bathroom.

    Don't even get me started on our non-binary friends' problems when it comes to bathrooms.

    I wish we had more gender-neutral restrooms.

    So what do you think?
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    I try to avoid public restrooms at all costs. I've yet to have a bad encounter, but it worries me that someone will look at me funny and I'll get jumped.
     
  3. Matto_Corvo

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    I have a very over active bladder made worse by a caffeine sensitivity (no that's not a Dr Pepper bottle xD)...so finding a bathroom is my first thing to do when entering a store because 9 times out of 10 I will be using be using it twice before leaving.
    I still use the female bathrooms, I don't have enough courage to yet enter the men's, though if there is a family bathroom I will use that. Since questioning my gender and ways to express my masculine self I have begun to look more and more like a guy, to the point where I walked in the women's restroom at a theatre and two little girls stopped talking and stared at me till I asked if the stalls were full, at which point my voice gave me away as afab. Since then if I have to use the bathroom I make sure my boobs are not bidding by baggy material. It is growing increasingly harder to use the woman's bathroom due to my increasingly boyish look, but SC is low on gender neutral bathrooms. And I'm little afraid to use the male ones, but as my friend pointed out I will be nervous of male rooms till I grow more confident in the fact that I belong there.

    I think the whole thing that pervs will dress as women to go in women's bathrooms is stupid.
    And the locker room argument that teen boys will say they are girls just to look at naked girls....lesbians use the girl lockers room but you don't say they only use to them to check girls out (same for gay men and trans men).
    The fact is people use restrooms to pee and locker rooms to change and shower. They just use the argument because they know that people will back them if they feel their children are going to be harm. But these arguments are becoming more and more invalid as transgender people become more mainstream and people are learning the truth. That we are humans, and like all humans we gotta pee.
     
  4. Jiramanau

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    Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like a Ftm person in the men's room is going to encounter less resistance than mtf person in the lady's. Women in general feel more vulnerable than men do and are more likely to feel threatened by someone they perceive as a man in drag in their restroom, whereas a man who perceives a trans man as a woman in his restroom is more likely to just think you're weird. My best friend from years back is a butch lesbian and she often used the men's room even though she identified as female simply because she was frequently misgendered and got bad reactions in the lady's room but was so butch that even people who knew her or weren't surprised to see her in the men's room
     
  5. DreamerBoy17

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    I'm planning to use the men's restroom when I ~someday~ get on T and can pass fairly well. It'll be a wonderful day, I'm sure. :grin:
    And yeah, that thing with transgender women molesting little girls is horribly untrue. Here's what I asked my dad when he told me he didn't want trans people using the proper restrooms.
    "So you would want a fully passing trans women using the same room as you? Wouldn't people then yell at her for being in the wrong room or think she's looking for sex? And what about a fully passing trans man in the women's room? Won't that intimidate women in there?"
    And I got. "But, genatalia!"
    Yeah, no logic...
     
  6. MatH

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    Once I was in the ladies changing room, waiting to go to the toilet, and this girl looked funny at Mr and said, "you know, this is the ladies room" and I was like, "yeah thanks then I know I'm at the right place". Since then I always feel twisted when there are girls/guys rooms. I don't get the problem with having, like, a room for urinals and one for regular toilets. Or one for people with vags and one for people with balls. Toilets are made for taking a piss, not stating your gender orientation.

    Having trans rooms may be a little off sometimes, though, because does it matter if one is a trans person or just a person? But of course, it also solves problems when your choice of toilet and looks don't seem to add up.
     
  7. Lazuri

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    You pretty much summed up my opinion word for word. I personally don't understand the need to use the restroom corresponding to whatever gender you identify as--although I perfectly respect the trans people who do have those issues--and just feel that it's best to use the restroom that is easiest to use at the time. I honestly never saw the big deal with gender specific restrooms in the first place; it's not like everybody is sitting in a ring in an open room and taking shits.
     
  8. baconpox

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    I use the mens' and have faced no resistance, though I'm pre-t. The one time I had to use the ladies' room (because I was around my family) I got a lot of looks.

    ---------- Post added 28th Oct 2015 at 04:40 AM ----------

    Gendered restrooms have to exist so girls can feel more comfortable using menstrual products and guys can feel more comfortable using urinals and stuff. It's also an easy escape for someone being harassed by someone of the opposite gender.
     
  9. Kodo

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    The only funny looks I get is in the women's room.
     
    #9 Kodo, Oct 28, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2015
  10. WhereWeWere

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    Oh god, that image is engraved in my mind now. I can't stop laughing, though. Sounds like some sort of sacred ritual.
     
  11. Secrets5

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    I'm agender and there is no toilet for me to use. The only one I could remotely use is the disabled one ... and it's not a disability. I don't even feel 'dysphoria'. I'd like there to be some unisex toilets in places. For now in public, I just use the female ones. I don't hang around. If anybody has a problem with an agender person in the male/female toilets ... then they can raise that with the manager and see about getting some unisex or agender toilets.
     
  12. Acm

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    I get weird looks sometimes in the women's room, but I'm too scared to use the men's room. I don't pass well enough to try, and I figure I'll take a few weird looks over possibly getting harassed in the men's room.
     
  13. ResidentTheatreKid

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    ^^ pretty much sums my opinions up.

    I find it quite distressing. It's even worse at school, because there's NOWHERE else. It's either boys or girls, and guess what? I'm neither. My school sucks, it genders everything. Even the uniform. WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK IF THE BLAZER HAS A LITTLE FRICKING TAIL THING AT THE BACK?! WHY IS THERE A BOY UNIFORM AND A GIRL UNIFORM? I'M NEITHER SO CAN I JUST COME IN IN NON UNIFORM?
     
  14. Secrets5

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    In reply to RainbowLioness

    At least I was able to pass down my ties to my younger brother [now he never loses them]. Why not wear the 'boy' blazer on one of the days? If they ask you why you're doing that, just say that you don't have a gender, so I can wear whatever uniform I want. I don't understand why girls can wear trousers or skirts, but boys can only wear trousers. I mean, what if a boy who feels like a boy feels more comfortable in a skirt?
     
  15. confuzzled82

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    I use whatever restroom is appropriate based on how I'm presenting. I've only received strange looks once coming out of the ladies room, but I've received strange looks in the mens room a few times.
     
  16. ResidentTheatreKid

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    I only have one, and my parents would not permit me to. They cost around £30 and my mum threatened to kick me out for being a lesbian, let alone being agender too :frowning2:
     
  17. littleraven

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    I use the women's bathroom because that's what I'm used to. Sometimes it feels weird. Like I'll feel really odd sometimes, but people see me as a girl even though I do not... My favorites are gender neutral bathrooms though.
     
  18. DinelodiiGitli

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    I always use the women's restroom. I get the occasional dirty look but it's tolerable.

    I'm afraid I'd get assaulted if I used the men's.
     
  19. Just Jess

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    I use the women's. The reality is that most people don't care. Even when I am not passing as well as I'd like, if I'm waiting in line like everyone else to sit down and take care of business, I'm actually kind of a bonus since I am not likely to hang out by the sinks for 10 minutes. I used to go out of my way to find gender neutral - or single occupancy - bathrooms, like I'm sure a lot of us have. Now it's not so much a priority, a lot of the hang ups were in my own head.
     
  20. Hawk

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    I mostly use the women's, but I'll try and find a more quiet washroom to use. I've only used the men's once, at work, when no one was in it. I've also got an awkward/dirty look (also at work) when I was coming out of the women's washroom as a teen girl was going in. When I was walking out she took a second glance at the sign. :shrug: