Hi. I've posted only twice before but my feelings have been changing steadily as time goes on. As a kid I always thought it would be easier and really cool to be a guy and I've always hated my appearance, but the thoughts about wanting to be a guy only lasted for a few minutes, if that. For the past year, the urge to want to be a guy had been gradually building up and I feel like my head is about to explode. Since I was bout 10 or so (I'm 16 now) I've had similar thoughts to the one mentioned previously, but always managed to push them aside because they were unrealistic and would make my life a lot more complicated than it needed to be. Now, with Caitlyn recently coming out, and just being in the midst of puberty and my teen years, the thought about wanting to be a boy is overwhelming. I can't go even an hour without thinking about it- about how certain situations would be different had I been born a boy. It's come to the point where I can't even bear to look at boys without feeling intense irrational hatred toward them. With these thoughts I've been growing more and more depressed. I'm so confused and I really don't know what to do. I've never been fond of makeup or dresses or anything too girly - I've always gravitated towards technology and was a very active child. That said, I really am not athletic at all and, needless to say, I'd make a very nerdy boy, which is to be expected because I'm a very nerdy and awkward girl. I'm not athletic at all and I'm pretty but the standard computer geek. But male stereotypes don't really matter right now. I'm just so confused and I'm looking for some guidance because it's beginning to distract me in every aspect of my life.
It's common not to question your gender until you're in your teens or far beyond that. Not everyone "knows" as a kid. Some questions to think about: Would you be happy if everyone else saw you as a guy? Does that sound appealing to you? Would you want to have the body of an average cis guy? Stereotypes don't mean anything, your interests are unrelated to your gender. it's more of an issue of what gender you see yourself as. Genuinely "wanting to be a guy" gives a pretty bg clue that you might actually be a guy.
Hi! Seeing that we're similar in terms of age, I could present to you some advice. You're never too old to discover you aren't cisgender. I hit puberty when I was barely ten, and I didn't even discover I wasn't cis until I was nearly thirteen! You don't have to know before puberty to be a "real" transman.
Here's the thing: Had I been born male I'd probably be a lot happier with my life and more comfortable in my own skin, but that's taking into consideration the imbalance between genders in our current society (but I'm not going to get into any heated discussion about feminism right now because frankly that isn't what this discussion is about). I'm not too sure about all the regulations about trigger warnings and thing like that so if I say anything bad or out of sorts that may trigger some people's dysphoria, I apologize in advance and I guess I'll learn in time. Anyway, a great deal of my desire to be a guy is physical. I think about having a penis and it fills me with glee. I think of having a prominate Adam's apple and things like that. This is a lot of the reason why I'm feeling such confusion. I'm not very concerned with how people perceive me, but how I perceive myself when I look in the mirror.
Gender is weird thing and it took me a while for things to click. If you feel male, if you have dysphoria surrounding certain aspects which reflect your biological sex, if you wish to be perceived as male then there's a distinct possibility you're trans. However only you can really know that for sure. If you come to the conclusion you are then please know that you aren't alone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
You really sound trans to me, but only you'll know that. I'd recommend watching shows/reading books with trans characters. For example: -Orange is the New Black (MTF) -Carmilla the webseries (nonbinary) -Sense8 (MTF) -Brothers webseries (almost the entire cast is FTM)
Even in such a patriarchal society, a girl would probably be repulsed by the idea of being a guy. If escaping patriarchy was the reason someone was trans, trans women wouldn't exist. I agree that you sound like you might be trans. Just do some googling and poking around forums, it helps a lot.
Like what he said and your words too. I can remember saying to myself (even before I knew what something meant) that I wanted to be a boy. It wasn't really jealousy but a sense that I was missing out on what should have been.
