I recently found a support group on another social site but.. I can't help but feel like I'm not getting a whole lot of responses to my questions/needs because I'm FtM. A few posts I've made were about my latest run-in with transphobia in my own family. A relative of mine said that she wouldn't want to put her child in public school because they are teaching kids to be transgender. It's been a few years since I've been in school but statements like are just ridiculous! I'm sure in previous times she would have blurted out "they're turning out children gay!" (Which I have heard my father say once or twice. Thanks dad!) I guess I'll just make a highlight reel of the issues I've been having. - Obvious transphobia with family Above is one example but another is with my father. He gets pissed when I bring up everything GOOD Caitlyn has done and shouts that BRUCE is a faker and doing it for money/attention. - Self-doubt, sense that I'm "faking" I keep asking myself "Is this what I really want?" I'm 21 and can remember myself saying "I want a sex change" when I was younger [I still have the recording too] but I feel like what if I am doing this just to be different? Usually I talk myself out of thinking that way by saying that i'm experiencing fear from the transphobia in my family. I don't have a job or anywhere to go if they throw me out so you can see why I would want to be "normal". - My mother's adamant "You always hate when people call you a boy" I have a androgynous face and tend to wear baggy/oversized shirts. Sometimes I get called sir and for a while, it did bother me because I felt like I wasn't passing so I would lean over and ask my mom "did they call me sir?" It's more of a "yay! they called me sir. I'm undercover-passing with my parents here" question but she always takes it as me being offended. That ALL being said.. I'm still in the closet and still feel threatened enough to want to avoid coming out for a while. One of my online friends said that it may be best for me to transition somewhere safe (with people who are tolerant) and then come back fully transitioned.
Judging by the fact that you are twenty-one, if you finish up college (assuming you're in it) and get a full-time job, you should be able to transition by yourself within a few years, whether you have parental approval or not. Online sources can always provide you with the necessary information on transition (HRT, top/bottom surgery, legal gender/name change, etc). Good luck!
I think perhaps you should as your father if he hates Caitlyn because of what he thinks she is up to, or if it has something to do with her being transgender. But anyway, moving on from that... Coming back as a fully transitioned trans man is certainly an opinion but I do not feel it is the safest one. Put yourself in their shoes for a second. A "full transition" takes up to five years if not longer. So they will not see their 'daughter' for that year, and if you want yo avoid them knowing you have to not even call because if how your voice will change. So then are yourself leaving home and your family not hearing from you for years. Now imagine them hearing a knock on their door and when they open it there stands a handsome young man who seems somewhat familiar buy they can't put their finger on why that is. Then you introduce yourself by your chosen name and then say "but you use to call me [insert birth name]." Surely, the first thing will be disbelief and probably they will think you are joking. As the reality of it sinks in they will be in shock. And, if transphoboic families can be bad as homophobic ones' they will be outraged and angered. They will call you names , tell you that you killed their daughter, have committed a sin, etc etc. Is there a chance that they could turn volience? I'm not trying to discourage you, just trying to help you look at that choice from all angles. You can start transitioning with out telling them, seeing a therapist and making doctor appoints and such, but it will probably be safer to tell them that this will happen then for it to just suddenly happen. Certainly have your own place and job and such before any of this. But really, its all up to you
That's what I fear. I mean even with them knowing I was going to transition, it's a possibility that they will reject me. The friend i talked to started transitioning while living with his parents but ultimately his mother really couldn't take seeing the change so he moved in with some other relatives in another state. Once he could pass as male, he moved back. I'm not sure they'd ever turn to violence but considering how little in control my dad is of his emotions, I probably should think about that. That being said, I would most likely tell them I'm transitioning, move out, and then come back once I could pass. I'd probably wouldn't have any surgeries done unless I won the lottery..
