Basically, I don't know if I'm necessarily straight, gay, bi, or maybe even somewhat leaning in the direction of being asexual. My whole life I have been interested in women, and I have actively pursued being with them. This hasn't always worked out very well though, and I have dealt with a lot of rejection in addition to some success from time to time. A lot of my life I have very strongly wanted to be intimate with a woman, but I rarely had the opportunity. I've also had sexual fantasies involving men, but that didn't really start until I was in my late teen years. I guess they were always there a little though. I can't say that I ever really felt I liked men per say, I mean maybe I've had those thoughts at times but always very subtle. I've never really strongly had desires to actually be with another man. I don't have discomfort with my physical gender or anything, and I can't remember feeling that growing up. I have had very isolated, brief one time ideas of somehow being something other than my physical sex after seeing trans related material. This was a very brief and fleeting thing that neverwould have come to mind if it were not for the things I saw. Other than those very brief moments, I never even gave my gender a second thought. Behaviors related to and feelings of being feminine have been the biggest issue by far. All my life, I have had feelings of being feminine in a sense. It was often such a strong feeling I felt like I was beginning to exhibit certain movements and mannerisms even though I was not in real life. Feeling that way can also kind of turn me on in a way, at times. I also have thought about doing things like painting my nails and things of the sort, but I have only done things like that a handful of times and quickly removed the clothing as I feared being discovered :eek: Until recently, all this kind of scared the crap out of me. However, I've begun to grow accustomed to myself. I just need to sort of re-integrate this information into my day to day life. I've talked to my parents, but simply said that I felt I was bi. Although there could be *some* truth to that statement, it's more of an issue of a way of feeling and being for me.
