Hello! I have been questioning things for a while now and my anxiety went away so I started to see things more clearly now... and I think I'm bigender? Basically I identify as male because I like my male body and I feel really good when I feel manly and am seen as such, but internally I identify a lot more with women and I like a lot the clothes from both genders. When I see a fashionable guy I want to look like that, but when I see a fashionable woman I want to look like that too. In a way I am relieved that things are more clear now and that i don't have/want to go trough all the transition process but this raises a few questions. Do you think this is the most accurate label for how I feel? How can I fulfil my feminine side and without looking like a weirdo? How can I feel 'happy' if i feel like I don't belong with either side of society? How real are these non-binary genders? Is it for most people a lifetime thing or more like a transition phase or denial before accepting they are binary trans? I fear that maybe my male side will disappear or something like that, kind of like a lot of youtubers who said they felt "male but androgynous". I apologize if some of these questions are though but thanks a lot for the help you can provide!!!!
Congrats on finding clarity! Experiment. Feel it out. Try different fashions in private. Practice different body language, voice intonations, ways of communicating and thinking.
I'm glad that you are coming to terms with who you are. Non binary identities are obviously not only transition phases to becoming trans. As I see it, a good way to understand it is to see the creation of gender identity as a two stage process. During puberty you create a framework identity which is either male or female and is often expressed through actions that are stereotypically female or male. This allows you to begin to experience more intimate interpersonal relations with others as it adds a certain amount of predictability to your behavior. It also gives you a stronger sense of self and helps you begin constructing a more stable identity which is a core requirement for adult relationships to work. For those who are binary transgender, we are often unable to create such an identity and never really go through emotional puberty as a result. Some do manage to create a stable identity but it is most often genderless and accompanied with a certain amount of dissociation from your body and emotional numbness. Others, construct a framework identity which is incompatible with their body and they often act in ways that others perceive as gender non conforming to help reinforce their identity. Once they start transitioning they go through a period which resembles a second puberty and during that time start or complete constructing the framework identity and later on move on to constructing a more adult identity that gives them the ability to live a relatively normal life. Some non binary people struggle in a similar way to create a stable framework identity as they feel a much weaker connection to being male or female than people who are cisgender and will often also suffer from gender dysphoria to some extent. You seem to already have such a framework identity as you clearly identify as male and as such are most likely non binary. At the moment you are at the second stage of gender identity construction which typically starts at around 17 or so. The second stage is about creating a unique and more complex adult gender identity. During this stage you add more layers to your identity which often transcend the boundaries of traditional gender roles and stereotypes. This identity differentiates you from those around you and gives you a much stronger sense of self and makes you more attractive to potential partners by adding additional layers to your identity and making your identity even more stable. The freedom inherent in college life encourages young adults to create such an identity which is much more unique and personal. At this stage non binary people often begin to express themselves in non conforming ways and the new labels such as genderfluid and bigender serve as tools to reinforce these identities and helps them break down social inhibitions created when they were younger by a society which is heavily focused on gender conformity. In your case, your primary framework identity is male and as such expressing masculinity gives you the stability needed to feel comfortable creating the more complex identity which you are doing right now... I hope this explanation helps you understand yourself better and accept yourself for who you are. It is frightening to break social norms and acting in a non conforming way and it is natural to be anxious about it to some extent. Take your time and don't be afraid to experiment and find what makes you feel most comfortable with yourself and your body. Some non binary people do decide to transition partially or fully, it does, however, come at a much higher cost so such a choice should not be taken lightly. Much hugs and I hope that you find some peace of mind and stop feeling so anxious over the coming weeks as you feel more comfortable with yourself and who you are, (*hug*) Yael
This is just the thread for you, noname. Test your name/pronouns here! ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2015 at 01:25 AM ---------- Never mind. Just go to Yaeli for everything.
