I was born male, but at a young age I always felt like I should have been born a girl. For a long time I avoided this issue and buried it deep down. I was ashamed and scared. Scared at the world and how my loved one may act once they knew. It took me a long time to accept that side of myself. I feel more comfortable in dresses and feminine clothes than I do as a man. It's not that I hate being born a man. It's more that I find myself wishing I was born a woman instead. I know it's the source of my depression but I honestly don't know what to do about it. I thought for a while I was gender fluid but I'm really confused. When people call me a man I feel hurt by it. I'm constantly thinking about my gender and am wondering if I may be trans. I've never really voiced these feelings to anyone but am starting that maybe I should find a gender phycologist and try and work out just who I am. I feel like I would be much happier as a woman, but I just don't know. Any advice would be appreciated
You aren't gender confused. You know who and what you are. You're just nervous at the whole transition thing. I am, too. Definitely see a psychologist and seriously consider hormone therapy.
Sounds a lot like my story. My advice is to just explore your female side and see what feels right to you. It doesn't have to be drastic, and there's nothing wrong with keeping the reasons to yourself until you decide what you want. Doing little things has helped alot with my dysphoria. Things like shaving body hair especially legs and pits, using women's deodorant and buying some panties all went a long way for me and seemed to help confirm my identity to myself without feeling exposed to ridicule. Women's jeans are easy to pull off even if you're presenting as a straight male, and I just found a cute pair of unisex work shoes which is awesome b/c it's impossible to find my size in women's shoes without breaking the bank. Breast forms (my next step) are also a good way to explore, you can buy a pocket bra on Amazon for about $20 that can be stuffed with a ziploc full of rice or for another $60 you can buy silicone breast forms that can be glued on to give you a more realistic experience. Obviously what works for me might not be right for you, my point is you'll never figure anything out by thinking about it, you have to experiment and find what works for you, and remember that labels describe you but they don't define you, so you may go through a few labels in the process of finding yourself.
Just consider how you want to be biologically and socially (sounds like female, but I don't know you) and experiment--try using breast forms or tucking.
I've done all that. I shave my body hair and do wear woman's clothes that I can get away with to be. Clothes that could look like men's clothes if anyone asks. I just don't know though. Maybe I'm afraid of the answer
The answer is exciting, Emily. It's a wild roller-coaster. We'll be here for you when your cart gains the incline, then sits at the top of the world for a few beats... and then plunges you into your true self.
