So I'm transmasculine but not really officially out to anybody. When I know no family or close friends will be around I dress as best I can as a guy. When I'm at home and looking in the mirror I'm relatively pretty happy with how I look. But then when I go out for a quick errand to the store or something I immediately feel so self-conscious and like I'm not even close to passing. I know that generally people standing in a checkout line aren't looking around waiting to judge strangers' gender expression, but I can't help but feel a panic to get out and go home as quick as possible. I keep telling myself it is only because I don't do it often enough to feel like it is normal for me. I tell myself that I'm hyper-aware of my body and my appearance and that eventually it'll fade if I do it enough. But with this nervousness that sometimes borders on anxiety I am not socializing nearly as often in my masculine identity. I feel like I have to completely pass or not even try. Any tips from fellow trans* who have felt the same way?
That is fairly for most of us I believe. I am constantly afraid that someone will just look at me and know that I am trans because I don't pass. The more you do it the more comfortable with it you become and the leas you worry about what other people think. That's the only thing I know to say. Imagine this part of trying to pass like training wheels on a bike. Its preparing us for the bigger step we have to take.
