Let's Talk About TERFs

I haven't had many encounters with TERFs, though I think they give feminism a bad name for lack of a better expression. Feminism is about equality among all genders & sexes. Some feminists exclude women of color & trans women because they don't see them as "real women". This of course is completely false. I have seen some TERFs blame the victims of sexual assault for things like not being modest, etc, and being against reproductive rights. I think women turning against other women creates a huge problem, especially since women in general are undermined in society. I don't think that being a "radical" feminist is a bad thing, unless that person excludes POC and trans women.I think that intersectional feminism is the most inclusive type of feminism.

Sorry for the rant.

 

I have no respect for TERFs or radical feminist actually. TERFs for the reasons you have stated.
Radicial feminist because time and again I have seem them bash men who simply happen to be in the same room for them. It was actually at a doctors office. A man arrived ten minutes before the women and was just flipping through one of the magazines laying around. Five minutes after the women arrived the man got called back and the women went on and on about how he was called back first because he was a man and the doctors were sexist.
I've also seen many radical feminists berate, abuse, and shame their children who come out as trans men.

I agree with feminisms message: equality for all regardless of gender and race, so that everyone stand on equal footing in this world.
But all to often I have seen women alter this to make it where it is women a head of everyone else, white women more than anyone else.
And I am sure someone will bash me for my views on this, but I base my views off of my experiences and they have not been good thus far.

 

^^^^^This!

 

To keep it short and to the point, I fucking hate TERFs with a fiery passion.

 

I hate that word, because it's really polarizing (and obstructs discussion) and it's lost all meaning. Lesbians who don't like male genitalia (not that trans women are male, but I don't want to be too explicit) and people who acknowledge sex based oppression at all are instantly considered TERFs and suicide bated, sexually harassed, and otherwised bullied.

All I'm saying is, there's a huge difference between people who misgender trans people, shame SRS, and actually hate trans people and someone who believes that people assigned female may have it harder in x area.

 

Honestly, trans-exclusive feminists don't really bother me at all. They angry jerks, well, come across to everyone as angry jerks. Just greet them with a disarming smile and ask them why they feel the way they do. Let them argue against reality and lose instead of arguing with me. The more reasonable live-and-let-live types, are well, more reasonable, and live-and-let-live. I can respect their boundaries, they respect mine, we have a difference of opinion but we treat each other with respect.

That said,

I have no doubt that this actually happens, and we absolutely need to be aware of it. But those are some serious accusations to lay at the feet of our whole community. Most of the time people use TERF to mean "trans exclusionary radical feminist". I agree it's become a thing to dismiss people, and it definitely obstructs discussion. I don't use it often.

But if there is more than a tiny minority of the trans community - which is the only place the word TERF is ever used - that is bullying, or sexually harrassing, or suicide baiting anyone, we need to bring that to light. Who is doing this? Because it needs to stop. We need to know where and when this is happening. I know a lot of trans people, and while it's true all of us have an immature phase, that is going way, way past immature. Pardon my bad English but that is really fucking wrong.

Otherwise, if that is not the case - and again, even one person doing this to one person is too many, I am not trying to take away from that - then I feel like you are perpetuating a negative stereotype of us trans folk. We absolutely need to admit when we are wrong, and do something about it, and be careful to respect each other's boundaries. But whether or not we are actually doing that, we have a terrible stigma facing us and I think that needs to be addressed as well.

The fact is, we get accused of attempting to rape other women every time we need to pee. We don't have any safe place to pee in public period, save for a handful of single occupancy bathrooms, often at places where you have to be a paying customer. It's hard enough being accepted as women. For some of us, it's impossible. But painting us as bullies that are trying to get people to commit suicide - again, while it has probably happened at least once - is as wrong in my opinion as the previous generation of gay people being associated with pedophilia. A lot of us have to take steps which are viewed as selfish to get past problems other people don't fully understand already. It is very easy to demonize us. But the fact is, the trans people I have had the pleasure of knowing anyway, would be just as furious as I would be if we saw anyone bullying anyone else for any reason.

I respect other people's boundaries. If they don't like my having a penis? Honestly? I don't either. I completely understand. I am flexible enough to date other transitioners, since in order to have enjoyable sex at all I have to feel attractive, and my own thing bothers me just as much as someone else's. It won't work with anyone. Fortunately, there is more to a relationship than just sex. My girlfriend has been my rock. But if I was a cis woman, without that obstacle, I honestly doubt I would be flexible enough to date transitioners. I don't think that's wrong. You can't change who or what you are attracted too. And I know firsthand that life is way, way too short to stay with someone you aren't sexually compatible with. It's not fair to make someone wait until the day that might not ever happen when I can afford "bottom surgery". I'd actually prefer a potential girlfriend being up front with the fact that my genitals are an issue for her. There are plenty of other great women out there that won't mind as much, that will still love me as a woman.

All of the trans people I've ever talked to have had a similar respect. I know that's anecdotal. I know the people I know aren't representative. But there are an awful lot of them I've met since 2013.

What I don't want to do is make you feel like you have to "prove" this happens. I don't need links. Trans cuts across all boundaries. There are definitely horrible trans people out there. I don't like it, but I'm confident at least one trans woman has bullied at least one lesbian into suicide. And one is too many.

But I would like to ask, if you really stand by what you said, when you said that any lesbian that asserts her boundaries with a trans woman is going to be labeled a TERF and abused.

Maybe that really is the case. I haven't been as active in the community as I used to be. If it is, I'll read what you have to say with an open mind.

If it isn't the case though, I'd really like to then ask you to put yourself on the receiving end of what you said. Imagine you are trans. And you just read that. How do you feel?

 

Terfs also have the habit of intentionally butchering the English language. Whenever I see them calling themselves womyn, I automatically stop reading them.

Also, terfs benefit from imperialism. Obviously they're a bunch of first world brats who don't care about third world people. Again, in the absence of real problems, they've created a specter of evil trans women trying to get access to their restrooms to assault them.

 

I'm a feminist and even I can't stand them. They kind of defeat the purpose.

 

They call women, womyn which I don't understand why, have festivals that exclude everyone but white ciswomen (I dont know if they exclude Lesbians, Bis etc etc. But knowing them they probably do)

 

The word TERF gives me the same kind of shudder that drinking three month old milk gives me.

 

Beat me to it.