1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How much space does being gay/bi/trans take in your life ?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by rainbowtheorist, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. rainbowtheorist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2015
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montréal
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi !

    I know somepeople kind of define themselves by the fact that they are gay/bi/trans, like it's a essential thing about them and their life revolves around that, and for others being gay/bi/trans is only a small and almost not important characteristic about them, like the fact that they are allergic to peanuts.

    Where do you find yourself on that spectrum ?

    Just curious about people !(&&&)
    Have a nice day !
     
  2. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,830
    Likes Received:
    849
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I really strive to avoid defining myself in such a way...

    Perhaps this is selfish, but I don't wish to be known as "the trans guy" or "the gay guy." I wish to be known as me, an independent entity. If someone does know that I'm trans or gay, I'd prefer too be known as "Alec, who happens to be trans/gay." Trans/gay does not equal me, they are just some aspects of who I am.

    Ultimately, I'd rather no one know that I'm trans at all. I am simply a man, who happens to like other men.

    But that's just me.
     
    #2 Kodo, Nov 10, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  3. YinYang

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Florida
    ^ Pretty much this exactly. I'm ace/agender, but I'm also ME.
     
  4. randomconnorcon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    550
    Likes Received:
    28
    Location:
    Liverpool, England
    In terms of being trans, I won't hide the fact that I am from people in my life, but to everyone else I look forward to a time when I am stealth. I don't want people pointing at me or introducing me as the 'trans guy'.

    In terms of being, for lack of a better word, gay (because while I am happy to say I'm pansexual/panromantic asexual - who even knows/cares anymore - and explain what that means, I'm predominately attracted to guys/male identifying humans), I don't think that should be what comes up when talking to/about me unless I am interested in someone or someone is interested in me.

    Ultimately, they're just parts of who I am. But if I wanted one to stand out over all the different parts, I'd rather people say, "That's Connor, he's the writer."
     
    #4 randomconnorcon, Nov 10, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  5. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2014
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    At this point, being trans is a big part of my identity because it is a big part of my life. I am misgendered every day, I am dysphoric every day. I can't avoid it and I can't not think about it. The only way I get to be seen as a guy is if I'm out as a visibly trans guy. I can't yet make gender a small part of my life or my identity.

    I think being trans will always be pretty significant to me because it's really shaped my experiences, but I am hoping to be stealth in the future, at which point I will be able to see myself (and be seen by others) primarily as a guy, and being trans will only be a secondary part of my identity.
     
  6. FrereApothicair

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2014
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisiana
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My trans-ness takes up a large chunk of my life, right now. I'm hoping it won't, in the future--when I'll be able to settle into my life as the person I am, and not as the lie I'm living now. A big reason I'm so frequently preoccupied with identity issues is because I'm not totally out yet--so there's a sense of dissonance between my home life and my public life. Once I get everything up and running toward congruence, I fully expect to live life just as anyone does, primarily identifiable by my job, my weird hobbies, and my eventual multitude of fluffy pets.
     
  7. thepandaboss

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2015
    Messages:
    2,436
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    I try not to but it is a huge part of my life. Partly because I'm in the middle of doing a lot of legal changes right now, I'm about to start hormones pretty soon, and so on.
     
  8. Fandom obsessed

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2014
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tennessee
    It doesn't take up much space because I have so many other things that I am known for like my singing, Dancing, Cosplaying,art,etc. I'm out to queer to everyone and it's not a big deal. Just any other day.
     
  9. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    It's a major. Friggin. Part of my life. I dwell on gender and dysphoric thoughts all the bleeding time. I wish I could not... but that's just the way it is right now, I guess. I try to focus on other things, but... it's hard.
     
  10. ThatRangerGirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2015
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bessemer Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    That's an interesting question--let me give you an example

    I am a transgender girl, and in many ways very feminine--even a girly girl. I wouldn't say the fact that I'm trans is a critical part of my identity, but the fact that I am female is.

    However, despite being a girly girl, I still have some stereotypically masculine interests--geopolitics for example. Some people have told me that I should suppress these interests, so I am better accepted as a girl.

    The thing is though, these interests are also a critical part of my identity, as are mayny other factors--to supress them would be to live a lie, just as much as saying I wasn't a girl would be.
     
  11. rainbowtheorist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2015
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montréal
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow really interesting answers so far ! Thanks people :slight_smile:

    Good luck to everyone transitionning right now:slight_smile:
     
  12. loveislove01

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2015
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Earth, probably
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't want my sexual orientation to be the only thing that people judge me for. There is so, so much more to a person than one characteristic- whether it be their gender, sexuality, race, religion, culture, anything. It could be a big part of me, a little part of me, but it is not the one thing that defines me.

    Personally, realizing I'm gay has changed me to be more mature, less judgemental, and more self-loving. I'm also very passionate about equality and LGBT+ rights, and I aspire to make the world a better place in my own little ways. So yes, it's a fairly large part of my life, but there are countless other qualities that define who I am.
     
  13. Alder

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2014
    Messages:
    1,145
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Wandering
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Both my sexuality and gender are two things that I find somehow migrate to the forefront of my life inevitably; though this is most likely perhaps of all the questioning I did over the past few years, and the questioning now. Perhaps once this is all over my gender and sexuality may or may not be just two things about me that are less prominent, not in a bad way, but in a way that they don't take up as much energy and sometimes stress as has happened sometimes during questioning- and aren't as big a focus of my attention whether I can help it or not. They might just become important parts of me as are many other things, rather than the center of the spotlight.
    I know that my sexuality now is less a thing I'm majorly stressing about, now that I'm more or less confident in it. It's settled in well- not completely insignificant of course, but not blaring alarm sirens in my head and encompassing all/most of my life and thoughts every day.

    However either way, figured out or not, both gender and sexuality are fairly significant in my life. They don't completely define me as a person, my personality, all my morals or values or interests, yet they are essential parts of my identity and I would not be happy if someone- or myself- tries to invalidate them or brush them aside as completely inconsequential. I think it's a fine line to walk some days. I know that in the media, there is a contrast. There are those characters whose sexuality aren't that defining (I haven't seen that many good portrayals of trans characters in the media unfortunately, so I'm talking a bit more about sexuality now)- and as Cosima from Orphan Black said, "my sexuality isn't the most interesting thing about me." I think that's pretty great, because my identity isn't just [insert gender here][insert sexuality here]. I have plenty more about me that I believe is just as important. Yet I can't pretend that my gender and sexuality haven't shaped my life and experiences, especially since gender is something that will require quite a lot of my attention at the very least financially and practically, if transition is something that I want in the future. There are also those characters whose entire storylines completely revolve around their sexuality, and everything else is thrown into the background, and although it's good to acknowledge that these days gender and sexuality struggles can most definitely be all encompassing- to no fault of the person themselves- each person's identity usually can't be watered down as simply as that.

    What I'm saying is at the moment, they take up a pretty big space. But ideally, it would be quite balanced. They are important and significant to me and my identity, but so is my future career, my interests, and my myriad of quirks and habits about me. I am my own person, at the end of the day.

    Also...as an afterthought, being LGBT+ does play a role in some of my values and political stances- even though I'm not particularly politically active or educated on that. So in that sense, it does factor in somewhat.
     
    #13 Alder, Nov 11, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2015
  14. baconpox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2014
    Messages:
    963
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I try not to define myself by being trans, but it affects my life so much. I'm dysphoric frequently, I have to be very cautious in public restrooms, I can't out into public with certain people (at the risk of them outing me), etc.
     
  15. Acm

    Acm Guest

    I try not to focus on it all the time, but it does affect me a lot, since I can't transition, and I'm dysphoric every day. I hope it's not really a big part of my life after I transition. I'd rather just be seen as a guy than a trans guy.
     
  16. ledja

    ledja Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2015
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aus
    like others who have commented here, being trans unfortunately does take up a larger part of my life than i would like it to. it's not something that i think about all the time, but rather it's something that makes me feel uncomfortable a lot of the time.

    my sexuality however, doesn't really feel like a big part of my life at all. in fact, it felt like it was more when i was still not out to anyone. i would get anxious about dating someone, think about how other people would react if they knew. now that i'm out, that anxiety has more or less gone away.
     
    #16 ledja, Nov 11, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2015
  17. Secrets5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello,

    Right now It takes up a lot of my thought time, but I think once I tell people and have them call me gender-neutral [I don't mind if they slip-up and then correct themselves, as people do make mistakes] pronouns and accept I'm agender then I can go back to using that time to create stories.

    My sexuality, not so much of the worry side of it, but I'm wondering when I'll get a girlfriend and how that relationship will go. So I make imaginary girlfriends, but lately they've been 'dumped' by all the worry about being disowned as my parent's child for being agender.

    I always worry, and it turns out to be fine, but I'm not sure this is the same thing as whether or not you'll catch the bus.
     
    #17 Secrets5, Nov 11, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2015
  18. YuriBunny

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2014
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    About... 40% of my life.
     
  19. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I find being trans takes up a lot of my time, probably because I have nothing else to think about in my life without realizing I am no where heading no where.
    Also feel that not obssessing about it perhaps means I am not trans enough to transition, but at the same time worry that obsessing about it non stop means I am not trand.