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How should I approach colleges?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Natasha Elyssa, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. Natasha Elyssa

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    How should I approach schools I want to go to? Like the school I really want to get into has a non-discrimination policy and a LGBT group called QLEAR. I really want to be out completely in college, and want to be seen as female. How do I talk to this about them discretely? How can I talk to them without my parents finding out? How do I get faculty to address me by my real name and pronouns? What is too much? Like is wearing a skirt and pumps my first day on campus too much? How would I transition in college? Especially since I'll be on my own and will need to pay for everything myself. How do I protect myself from getting harassed or attacked? How would I approach people I like or people who may like me with the fact I'm transgender? How would I college being transgender? Help. Plz. :shrug::o:confused2: <3
     
    #1 Natasha Elyssa, Nov 10, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  2. ThatRangerGirl

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    That is difficult, and I am facing the same problem. First of all do you have familial support in being trans? That would help a lot. Secondly, it probably would help to get a legal name change. That is a non expensive, (30 dollars I think) way to tell the world your female.
     
  3. RainOnVII

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    Hello Natasha;

    Being out in college is a big step, and I'm impressed by your initiative :slight_smile: . Colleges, especially non-discriminatory ones, are very different from high school. In my experience, students usually mind their own business, and classmates aren't so much friends as possible contacts on your phone for group projects/absent days. Everyone's their own island in college. Professors will take your name/pronoun preferences graciously, and some even ask what names you'd like to be called by outright. Parents are never contacted--when in college, you're responsible for attending classes (there's no official attendance chart, though some professors might give points for coming to class) and everything else--in their eyes, you're a full-blown adult. You're parents won't know anything about your college life unless you tell them. My college may be different from the one you're planning on going to, but every college student I've talked to agrees on the above points. You should probably tour the college, and ask people about their student lives.

    I hope this helped a bit!
     
    #3 RainOnVII, Nov 10, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  4. Natasha Elyssa

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    I don't have much support from the two people I am out to in my family. My mom doesn't care for it, and my sister is pretty offed by it. Where I want to go to school (Massachusetts) it costs over 100$, requires a public hearing and a public announcement in the paper about it. If anyone objects or they feel that I'm not changing my name for a good reason they'll reject it and stuff. Plus good luck getting my mom to give me a copy of my birth certificate. :/ Thanks for the advice though! <3

    ---------- Post added 10th Nov 2015 at 07:52 PM ----------

    That's good. I hope that my teachers will respect my name and gender. Only thing is, I don't want to be put on the spot in class.I did tour the college, and the school is a school that supposedly caters to everything and everyone. I guess we'll see what actually happens though... :icon_bigg <3
     
  5. pinkclare

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    Out to everyone
    You can email your professors before classes start and just say, "Heads up, it'll say [legal name] on your enrollment sheet, but I go by [preferred name]. Please refer to me only by my preferred name and keep my legal name private. Thank you!"

    If you're worried that your name and presentation won't be enough for them to correctly guess your pronouns, you can also include that request in your email.

    If your college has a LGBT group or resource center, you can also contact them and ask for help/advice. One of the colleges I went to had actually developed a web form for preferred name that would auto-populate it on all the prof's enrollment sheets and electronic grading systems. This way your legal name only appeared on administrative things and even faculty didn't know it.
     
  6. Natasha Elyssa

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    Okay. Cool. Thanks for the advice! :slight_smile: <3
     
  7. darkcomesoon

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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There's no reason your parents should have any idea what name and pronouns your teachers and other staff are calling you. If they come visit, you'll have to take standard precautions if you want to hide it from them (tell your friends and anyone else they might see to use the wrong name and pronouns while they're there), but there's other reason I can think of that the information would get back to them. I used they/them pronouns at college for an entire year before coming out to my parents, and they didn't find out until I told them. College isn't like high school. Your teachers aren't calling home to talk to your parents. No one's going to tell your parents anything other than you.

    Definitely email teachers ahead before the first class informing them of your name and pronouns. If you want to be extra sure, you can arrive early to the first class and introduce yourself so they have a face to connect to the email.

    If it's a liberal enough college that you feel you'll be safe from harassment (which it certainly sounds like it is), nothing is too much. Be yourself right off the bat. There's no reason for you to have to ease people into it. The people who aren't going to like you if you wear a skirt and pumps on the first day aren't the people you're going to want to be friends with anyway.

    In terms of being attacked and harassed, I think it's best to just follow the same sort of precautions that most cis women have to follow too (e.g. be cautious walking alone at night). If you're nervous about bathrooms, take a friend with you. Really, when in doubt, take a friend with you.
     
    #7 darkcomesoon, Nov 10, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015
  8. Natasha Elyssa

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    Okay. Thank you. :slight_smile: <3
     
  9. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    Perhaps you shouldn't assume other people's [your class, whose in your flat] gender and sit them around a table at say breakfast or something and ask them their name and preferred gender pronoun. Then you can say yours. This means you're helping others come out if they were scared to, and also you're making a conversation so you can start other ones as well. If the people there accept you, and our generation most of us are, then they can help if you've got any problems - in the same way you'd do for them. They're pretty much in the same 'boat' as you, maybe not for the same reasons, but you're all [in your flat] living alone for the first time [as you're likely to be put with others' your age so not mature students] and just getting used to this new life where you might have worries.