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A guy has a crush on me...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spot, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Spot

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    I'm pre-everything and at my school, the boys and girls have separate uniforms so I look completely like a cisgirl except on the weekend when I can dress however I want. I'm not out to a lot of people and there's this guy who has a crush on me. I don't really know what to do and it's getting hard because my parents and my friend think I should go out with him but I really don't want to. I'm starting to feel really uncomfortable honestly. My friend is bisexual and I told her that I can't go out with him because there's stuff he doesn't know (Meaning that I'm trans, we use "code words" when talking about LGBT issues in class). Then she said that she came out to him and he was fine with it. That seems a bit different though, it's fine if the girl you're friends with comes out to you as bisexual but I don't know how he's going to react when his crush comes out to him as FTM. He's straight and what's going to happen if he finds he had a crush on a guy?? I really need help because people have started teasing me about it, how I'm his "girlfriend". Why do people care so much anyway?Some people who have never even spoken to me before have asked me if we're dating. I don't even know their names! If he was gay or bi or something then I would probably date him but we can't. I feel like the only way to end this is to come out but that's sort of risky. What am I supposed to do? :help:
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    Perhaps you could take him aside at break or lunch or something, maybe with your friend so you could pass it off as a 'friendship talk' [although why anybody else is bothered I don't know] and just tell him ''I like you, and I'm transgender, is there any way we could go out. I can give you some time to think if you want''. Something like that maybe?
     
  3. ledja

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    if you come out to him, keep in mind that potentially you're also coming out to everyone else.

    if you know that he's straight, then there's a chance that he would be interested still, but also maybe not. reasons why he might be: sexuality is a spectrum, not everyone who says they're straight is 100% straight. also, he might overlook this and continue liking you, because nothing about you changes as a person. reasons why he might not: he may be 100% straight, or simply not understand.

    if you come out to him is your decision. just consider if it's worth it. how much you can trust him.

    if you decide to, how he handles it is his decision. and you'll have no control over what he chooses to do afterwards, not only in how he feels towards you, but also in if he chooses to tell other people, or handle it in a very negative way.

    only come out if you really want to, don't feel pressured to.
     
  4. Spot

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    Yeah, that's why I don't know if it's a good idea...
     
  5. Alder

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    Are you interested in him, or do you like him? You said you'd date him if he were bi or gay, but since he isn't, would you be comfortable dating him even if you were out to him?

    I was in a situation with a guy a while back. A straight guy liked me-possibly still does- and so many people teased us about it. Even teachers and professors sometimes poked fun at us in the past, and it's frustrating, and people have certainly pressured us (a lot) to date. It made me really uncomfortable too. Course I'm not certain of my gender, but I know I'm not a cis girl, and there's a part of me that is probably in the male area of the gender spectrum. I have no idea what would happen if I came out to him in regards to my gender- even as gender questioning. I have no plans to because I'm nowhere near that stage yet.

    The way I chose to handle it is not tell him anything about my gender, but make it as clear as I could that I'm not interested in that way, and that we are only friends. I made it clear to others too, though if they didn't listen then there was nothing I could do but not react to anything they say. You don't have to downright say "listen, I don't like you," you can just say you don't want to date or do anything like that with each other. He should respect that. (Me and him, we're still friends by the way.)

    If you don't want to date him and it's uncomfortable for you at this stage, just try and make it clear to him that way. If you're not ready to say anything about your gender to him, you really don't have to say anything- it's perfectly fine and justified to just go 'sorry, but I'm not interested in you that way. We can be friends though.' You're not responsible for going out with him or doing so because other people keep pressuring you to. I know it's annoying, and people might not leave you alone even if you keep emphasizing you two are not together, but in my case I've stopped saying a thing. Eventually, most people dropped it since they got bored of it anyways. I'm sorry that you're in such an uncomfortable position right now, I truly am. I do know (in some ways) how you feel. If you think it's safe to come out to him and maybe others and you think that's the best for you, you can do so, but you should be prepared just in case something doesn't go completely right. Otherwise, like I said, it's fine to just tell him and others you're not interested and leave it at that. It's not the most ideal situation and I know you might still feel uncomfortable- I know I still am, especially when people directly imply I should be his 'girlfriend'- but it seems like an option that's pretty safe, and maybe viable, if you don't want to come out at this time.

    Hope this helps in any way. Good luck with your situation.
     
    #5 Alder, Nov 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015