Am I really trans if...

Many trans people do not experience much dysphoria, or desires to be the opposite gender (which is a form of dysphoria) until teen years. Feeling that way during early childhood is rare, so what you've described is not at all surprising when compared to the "normal" trans narrative. Of course, everyone's trans experience is unique.

Some primary aspects I think, when it comes to "knowing" if you are trans or not, are:

-Identity-
Do you feel, at your core, male or female? If you were given a choice to magically become one or the other, without consequences, what would you choose?

-Dysphoria-
Do you experience physical discomfort or disconnect with your assigned sex, and sexual characteristics?
Do you feel a sense of lacking or desiring physical qualities found in the other sex, as if you "should have" them?

Something which helped me sort through it all was using process of elimination whilst comparing myself to cis-females. Also, the mere fact that you think yoiu are trans is evidence that you could be. Cis-people do not labor and struggle over their gender.

Hopefully some of this will help you sort through your thoughts.

 

There's no right or wrong way to be trans. There are some people who were certain of their identity at a young age, and some don't have their personal realization until later on in life.

With the second thing you mentioned, I kind of went through the same thing. I tried to block out my true self for a long time, and practically buried "him" in hopes my feelings would go away, but "he" came back and then there was no use in trying to hide anymore.

Is there a way you can see or talk to a therapist to help you sort out your feelings?

 

There are a great many transgender individuals who did not realize they were trans or started having dysphoria till they hit puberty or even till puberty was over. There is no single way to be trans and each story is different.

As for the feeling of finding yourself in a tug of war between male and female, I certainly understand that. I had that same feeling when I was 16, before I realized I was experiencing dysphoria or knew I was trans. No matter how much the female tugs the male tends to always stand back up and give it another go.
I believe this is fairly normal for a lot of trans folk. After all, the core of who we are is telling us we are one thing but society and our body is trying to say we are something else. As I said, its a game of tug a war between our true selves and society's version of what it thinks we should be.

 

I don't think it's necessarily true that cis people don't ever question gender; we just don't hear about it. However, the persistent questioning you're talking about is not typically a cis experience.

I questioned for a while before i came to the conclusion that I had a lot of internalized homophobia and sexism. There are many reasons to question. The end result for me is I decided I felt ok with my body and even my female pronouns; that's why I'm not trans. If after questioning things seem to make more sense, things seem to fall into place, then that's a good indication you're moving in the right direction; for me, I found non-heteronormative ways of doing gender that closed the dysphoria gap for me, and that's all I needed. For you, that gap may be different, and you may need to take other steps to close that gap.

 

It's really, really common not to realize your identity until puberty. Some people (particularly those with really significant bottom dysphoria) realize when they're children, but seeing your body is still mostly neutral until puberty, a lot of people don't have any feelings of dysphoria or transness until puberty kicks in. The fact that you starting feeling like a guy right around when puberty started sounds like a very typical trans narrative, even if it's not the trans narrative that everyone seems to tell where they've always known and never doubted it at all. Furthermore, you can realize at any age and still be trans. Some people have the feelings and don't recognize them for years. You can be trans and realize it at any age.

Doubts are completely normal. Having some part of you try to convince you you're cis is completely normal. There's still a part of my brain that tries to tell me I'm just making it up, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Doubting yourself doesn't make you not really trans.

 

This is such a great explanation of my own feelings (the reverse, that is)! So yes, I definitely understand. It helped to read this, it makes me realize I'm not alone in doubting myself.
I think allowing yourself to be yourself, not following the rules by which society has sterotyped you, would be doing yourself a great favor, and you deserve that.

Lots of love, xx

 

I didn't know until I was almost 13. There are no age requirements.