I want to put something to rest right now: the idea that cis people do not question gender. Cis people can and do question gender. IHTM. I feel genderqueer in some ways because of how I'd like to be treated in certain situations. Being attracted to masculine folk while being masculine myself makes me feel like I don't fit into either male or female fully. However, I am cisgendered because I don't need people to use neutral/male pronouns on me or see me as any gender besides my birth gender; nor do I need to alter my body in any way. The idea that my questioning and now IDing as cis is due to repression is just untrue. This is more confusing because I did experience gender dysphoria during my questioning phase; but that doesn't make me trans*. Trans* is marked by prolonged persistent gender dysphoria; that does not mean that gender dysphoria cannot be a phase. If it is a phase, then it's a phase; if it's not, then that may indicate some level of trans-ness. I spent a really long time questioning what my dysphoria meant: internalized sexism, internalized homophobia... basically it felt shitty because these are all the reasons anti-transition advocates use to discredit trans* identities. The reason these ideas gained traction is because they confound gender dysphoria with transgender identity: it's true that these things CAN beget a gender dysphoria/questioning phase. But they canNOT beget a transgender identity. Bottom line is, I'm not trans* because I'm not trans*. That's all. Plain and simple. I'm not cisgendered because I never questioned my gender. I may be too rigid in my reasoning, and there are many reasons why people may identify with a particular gender that I have not accounted for here, but it is also rigid to say that cis people don't question gender. That being said, there's nothing wrong with being cisgender and nonconforming. It is who I am for better or for worse, and some days it feels hard and heavy on me. Someone else with my very same experience may decide to transition, and I wouldn't blame them. But although we both may question gender and subvert gender, the key difference between me and this hypothetical person is that I don't identify as trans*, while they do. Not bravery (I'm not more or less cowardly), not repression (I'm fully aware of myself as I am)... just identity. K that's my 4 AM thoughts.
I feel a lot like you do towards your gender as I do mine, too I think questioning your gender and wondering if you're trans doesn't have to be a sign that you aren't cis as well, just that maybe you aren't comfortable with gender roles and having to conform. If I feel severely uncomfortable wearing a dress or largely non-androgynous clothing does that make me less cis? In my experience not, because I do feel cis It's just a breaking of the norm. Anyway, I think you're right Just like I think it's possible for people to question their sexuality and come out straight. Sometimes the idea just needs to be considered, for whatever reason, before we decide what we are or aren't.
I feel really similar, though I still can't find a label that satisfies how I feel 100% because I'm still a little confused. The thing is that I am a man, I like being seen and treated that way, I like many male things and activities (Except for sports and other things) having male friends, and I envision my future as a man as well. Half way though my questioning, I decided that I would still Identify as a cis-male, but after some days I felt like it doesn't completely describe my self. I also feel really feminine, like many girl things, and girl clothes, and quite honestly I do notice many differences between the way cis-het guys act and me. So I felt/feel like calling myself a cis-male is both an overstatement and and understatement. I also have no body dysphoria, but when I see beautiful women with beautiful clothes and hair I sometimes want to look like that, so that's what is really confusing. Here is something fucked up: Even when I say "I want to look like a girl" I feel like a man saying that, but throughout the day I feel like the things I do/say are really womanish and I don't know if thats because I "feel" like a woman, or it's bad perception because of the roles society placed in my head. I don't think my desire to sometimes look like a woman is strong enough, but it is still there, confusing me. I feel really in the middle, like a balance that with any mild wind can go either way, but my body can't do that so I don't know what to do.
I agree with what you're saying. It can certainly be a product of gender nonconformity; or rather that gender nonconformity can lead people to question gender. I actually think it's important to get comfortable with gender nonconformity before you can get comfortable with your gender, whether or not you then conclude that you're trans. I relate to a lot of this, especially when you say "I want to look like an [A]" when feeling like a saying that. Also about calling yourself "cis" being both an overstatement and an understatement. It feels restricting. But like, 99.9% of people are cis, and no two people perform gender exactly the same way; it's hardly restricting. To me, it just means I'm not trans. On the other hand gender-nonconformity can be a gender identity for some: for example within the queer community, the label "butch" can indicate a physical appearance and an identity within "female", but some butches also don't feel like they're the same gender as "femmes" or other women, and so it's a separate gender identity to them that once they discover it they feel relief, whether or not they then pursue transition. I imagine it's the same thign with drag queens who find themselves when they do drag: many of them feel male, many of them don't, but all perform gender differently than typical "maleness" . I think of 'cis', for me, more a biological term: it's an indication of not needing to alter my body more than it is feeling like I'm 100% aligned with "womanhood".
