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Questions on butch identity?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by juno14, Nov 16, 2015.

  1. juno14

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    1) I feel most comfortable in 'masculine' clothes and think I may not identify as 100% female (although I'm still confused by the concept of gender but that's another story haha). However some aspects of my personality don't conventionally fit with butchness, ie I think I am a bottom. How common is it for butches to be bottoms and to be passive etc?
    2) I find both masculine and feminine presenting women attractive but don't know if other masculine presenting women will be attracted to me. Are butches who like butches a common thing?
    I know labels within the lesbian community shouldn't be important but lots of people seem to take them quite seriously so that's why I'm asking these questions. Thank you all :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    I would love to help but I have no idea lol. I don't like these labels, and I have yet to find one that fits me anyway. I know im not femme, but i dont fit as butch either. So buggered if i know lmao :grin:
    but, from what I've read, and the little I've seen, butch couples are common.
     
  3. wanderinggirl

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    I have been thinking about this. There are definitely ways to be butch without being butch all the time; there are butch bottoms, butch switches, butches who date butches, butches who don't ID as female or even as exclusively into women...

    I'd recommend S. Bear Bergman's book "Butch is a Noun". Ze talks a bit about the intersection between butch and trans, hir identity as butch even as ze dates other butches, transmen, bois, masculine people of various identities.

    I identify as someone who dresses masculinely, with both masculine and feminine interests and fairly femme mannerisms/ways of interacting within a relationship. Dunno if I ID as butch but I'm definitely into more butch women. Butches who like butches exist.

    I'd recommend checking out ButchWonders. There's stuff on there about transmasculinity, butch womanhood, butches dating butches, etc. Here's a start:
    Butch Wonders - Butch  Wonders

    Some lesbian communities take labels seriously while others just like being androgynous and label-defying. It's not wrong to shy away from strict labels.
     
  4. Distant Echo

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    I guess as I'm not part of a lesbian community here (if one exists it's hiding very very well) so I'm under no sort of pressure to pick a label. And I wouldn't react well if I was tbh.
    I was never that good at fitting in or doing as I was told anyway :grin:
     
  5. juno14

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    Haha awesome thank you!

    ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2015 at 11:19 PM ----------

    Thank you this helps a lot and I'll look up the book and the website! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Oddsocks

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    Bottom/passive butches are probably more common than you'd expect, and there are plenty of butches who like butches out there! And the world of lesbian labels or non-labeling is so diverse, even if there isn't a singular word for your specific experience there are going to be people out there who feel the way you do. :slight_smile:

    I heartily recommend Sugarbutch | Queer sex, kink, gender, and relationships by Sinclair Sexsmith (warning: can be nsfw) as a place to read up on non-conventional butch experiences of gender and sexuality. Sinclair's posts are great and their discussions of gender have certainly been comforting to me as I've been trying to navigate my own weird gender mess, despite my not being butch-identified. :slight_smile:
     
  7. stonedqueer

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    I can totally relate to this post. I feel exactly the same, from liking both butch and femme girls, to the gender thing. I personally am more attracted to more masculine presenting girls. But that's just my preferance.
     
  8. juno14

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    Yay thank you very much, I will! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2015 at 01:59 PM ----------

    Thanks, great to know you feel the same :grin: xxx
     
  9. NekoAlex

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    Speakng about it, I want to ask are there bisexual butches? Before I knew I was trans, I used to identify as a bisexual butch. I used the term "butch", because I felt like it implies that I'm masculine and that I'm not entirely female. At that time I didn't even know that transmen exist, I knew only about transwomen. And I though that afab people can be only tomboys or butches. I didn't like reffering to myself as a tomboy, because it sounded to me like it implies that although I'm masculine in some sense, I'm still female, but I've seen only lesbians who ID as butch. So, was my old identity even legit?
     
  10. wanderinggirl

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    Every flavor of butch exists. :slight_smile: So yes, bisexual butches exist. In Stone Butch Blues, Feinberg mentions in passing butches who like butches and butches who secretly even like men. In Butch is not a Noun, Bergman talks a bit about hir life: ze is married to a femme for many years and is now married to a man (whether he's a transman or not, I don't know; nor do I think it's relevant). And again, I identify more as pan than gay, and I'm a boi-female. Maybe straight/bisexual women are less likely to identify as butch, but they certainly exist.

    And if it was your old identity, then of course it exists. I wouldn't say there's a huge community of people exactly with that experience, but it's probably more common than you realize.
     
  11. QBear

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    Yup, bisexual butches exist. They also sometimes identify as bi-dykes.
    And, geez, do I tend to be attracted to them. But that's just my two cents.

    Check out, for example, this apparently now defunct comic, liliane, bi-dyke:
    http://liliane.comicgenesis.com/
     
    #11 QBear, Nov 19, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2015