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Does anyobody else feels lke this?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by NekoAlex, Nov 18, 2015.

  1. NekoAlex

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Bulgaria
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So, I'm out to some people, they are supportive and use the correct pronouns, or at least they're trying to. And that's what worriers me - they are trying to. Sometimes they misgender me accidently and I feel like they don't see me as a guy, but rather as "a girl who wants to be a guy". I feel like they are trying to use male pronouns only because of politeness and it hurts me and makes me feel insecure. I know for some people it may be hard to adjust, but it's still annoying. If somebody sees me as a guy, they won't have a problem using the correct pronouns, would they? Sometimes I feel like I sound like I'm crazy to them when I correct them or talk about trans stuff. Some people have told me they think being trans isn't normal or that I'm saying weird things when I explain them about dysphoria. That's why I don't talk to them about things like this and sometimes act like I haven't heared how they used the wrong pronoun. It makes me feel like they don't really see me as a guy, but as somebody with mental issues or a confused girl, which is really what most people in my area think trans people are.
     
  2. Distant Echo

    Full Member

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    I have accidentally misgendered and kicked myself for it. I grew up with her, knew her as y and met up with her years later and she is x. I struggle when we talk about the past, when i knew her as y and have to stop and think do I use him or her. And this is a person i admire and completely accept as x. It makes complete sense and I have no problem with any of it. But I still sometimes stuff up. I've instructed her to bitch slap me when I do. It isn't malicious, it isn't unaccepting, it's just me getting used to the different pronouns. I don't see her often, but I take the time to try and get it right when I do.
    You think of yourself as your gender all the time, for others there may be a period of adjustment.
    Does that make sense?
     
  3. Florestan

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    There are a lot of people who believe we're crazy, but there are also many who accept us. I think, if they're supportive, then they do see you as a guy. When you've known someone for a really long time and constantly used a particular name and pronoun for that person, it becomes a habit. Right now, they're in the process of breaking that habit and forming a new one. With enough time, they'll stop slipping up. All the same, you don't need to feel bad about letting them know when they get it wrong. It helps them get better at using the right pronouns.
     
  4. AlexanderDragon

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Seattle
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    yeah. feel this way a lot w my parents
     
  5. MtnCase

    Regular Member

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    I feel that way sometimes. I've got a supportive friend and roommates who use my desired/correct pronouns, but because I know that in public and to people who have know me for a long time (I'm not out to them) their brain just automatically registers social cues and uses the automatic response, which unfortunately is sometimes the wrong gender pronouns.
     
  6. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

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    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I feel that way all the time. When they mess up my pronouns, it's because they don't really see me as a girl. They're just forcing themselves to use the words I asked them to use. The thing is, language comes first. Seeing you as a guy follows from that. The people who taught themselves to use he/him pronouns for me consistently are the ones who now genuinely see me as a guy. Even though I don't really pass, I pass for them because they taught themselves the language to use for me, and their perception of my gender began to align with that language. So, when you're feeling bad about people not really seeing you as a guy, think of it this way: they have an idea of you pre-formed in their brain, and right now, they're still trying to change that; but using your pronouns, even if right now they still slip up, is how they convince their brain to see you the right way. If you can stick it out through the accidental misgendering, they'll get to the point where they 100% see you as a guy and using the right pronouns is effortless, and that feeling is worth the wait.
     
  7. Jellal

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    I've had similar problems. Here is the best advice I can offer you, though it's not perfect: instead of dwelling on the times when they slip up, focus on the times they get "you" right. Because every time they do, it is evidence that they care! That they are trying, for your sake, because of their respect for you! Just let it sink in, that there's someone in the world willing to accept you. To make an effort for you. That's worth more than money can buy, kiddo.