Gays that Hate Transgenders

It wouldn't surprise me. The gay community is one of the most bigoted groups I have ever come across. Which is strange, considering the fact that the gay community is constantly complaining about bigotry targeted towards them.

And yes, I am gay, but I don't identify with the gay community at all.

 

I don't know too many openly gay people in real life, but some people are just dicks. It's kinda the same reason everyone who feels that way does.

 

I admit there are gays who feel that way, but generalising any group of people is wrong. In EVERY group of people there will always be ignorant and stupid persons. I've met more gays who support transgender that those who don't, but it is as much of al lie to say that every gay does or everyone doesn't. Needless to say, those people need to learn better.

 

Yeah. This is actually what really terrifies me, guys denying me because they only want 'real' men. I know some openly gay guys, and there was only one who said he'd date a transgender. The other two wanted 'real' men.

Really sucks, and it's extremely scary.

 

Yeah. This is actually what really terrifies me, guys denying me because they only want 'real' men. I know some openly gay guys, and there was only one who said he'd date a transgender. The other two wanted 'real' men.

Really sucks, and it's extremely scary.

 

I understand that. I worry about that too...
But I for the most part seem to take interest in other transgenders.[/QUOTE]

I would date a cis or trans dude, so it doesn't really matter to me. Even so, the only other transguy I know, we don't get along very well because of different things (nothing LGBT related).

I feel like I'm more likely to stumble upon a cis gay man than a gay trans man. Most trans men are straight, anyways. And those cis gay men will want a 'real man' as a partner. I know this isn't true for every cis gay man, but from what I've seen, it's probably going to be a problem for me.

 

It's not so much that they hate transgendered people as much as they're just classically gay. By nature, gays tend to prefer people who have the same genitalia as them, so most would prefer a cis-gay person to date, but some do date transmen; the problem is magnified by the fact that most gay men are passive and a transman wouldn't be able to top the way a cis-man would.

If you're a teenager, I assume most of your encounters are with people who are in high school or just graduated and at that age most male teens still have that psychopathic personality from when they were just kids. I'm a vegan now and I don't like violence, but at that age I would blow up anthills with fire crackers, shoot cats with my bb gun, and I was just more violent, and prone to say inelegant things, much like what they said to you. Granted some men may never outgrow that mindset, but the more matures ones, even if they wouldn't date you, would respect your gender and not invalidate it.

You decided to become a man. Well, this is endemic to male culture at an early age.

 

There have been horrible individuals, and worthwhile ones, in every sect of humanity since forever.

The fact that such ignorant, swine-like behaviour exists in the LGBT is of no surprise to me.

 

One thing to keep in mind is that lets say you were gay and not trans, would you really want to date and spend the rest of your life with individuals that are so unaccepting of others. In a sense we have a natural ability to keep away people who are unaccepting and that lack the empathy needed to understand what we go through and who we are. That doesn't seem like such a curse to me.

 

Like hapa, I don't identify with the community as a whole, even though I'm definitely lesbian. It's not that I hate the community as a whole, either - I just prefer to base my opinions of and interactions with people on their identities as individuals, rather than as part of any greater group. That applies to my own self, too. ouo

Now, it's certainly true that there's a lot of surprising bigotry within the LGBT* community, not just from without. Part of that is because a lot (if not all) of those who identify as LGBT* have gone through a lot of unpleasant alienation and discrimination with respect to their identities as LGBT* individuals. By way of example - my parents hated the girl I loved, even threatened to put her in jail, because of her sexuality, and told me I would be disowned if I were anything but straight. Experiences like that, which are unfortunately not uncommon, tend to cause a knee-jerk reaction against anyone who seems not to accept your particular identity, whether it's someone telling you you can't be 'bisexual' unless you've been in a relationship with someone of the same gender, or someone telling you you're not a 'real girl' if you're transgendered and therefore they, a 'proper lesbian,' won't date you.

I can sympathize to a degree with that last one. I'm a cis lesbian, and for me, homosexual means homoSEXual - I'm averse to men and of their bodies too, which means that if I'm looking for a partner, they have to have a vagina, and therefore can't be trans, pre- or post-op. Of course, that doesn't mean it's okay to be mean to a trans girl just because she's not a 'real girl', and therefore I wouldn't tell a trans date that if she revealed herself to be trans. I'd try to tell her as gently and kindly as possible that while I find her to be as good a girl as any other, I couldn't give her the full experience she'd want in a relationship, since I couldn't be a proper sexual partner to her, and she couldn't be that to me, and she deserves someone who will be able to give her that too. Ultimately, it resonates with my own experiences as someone who's 'different,' 'weird,' 'broken' - in the end, every trans person has almost certainly gone through bigotry like what I have, and I understand that and I feel their hurt. For that reason, I would never support any sort of attack on a trans person for being who they are.

On the other hand, I understand - though I don't advocate - why some lesbians say things like this. In part I think they see it as a bit of an attack on their own identities - some of them argue that trans girls are men trying to trick lesbians into sleeping with them, others (understandably) may feel confused or threatened about the validity of their own identity (Do I like her, or do I like her dick? She was a boy! Does this make me straight/bisexual/wrong about my identity?!). A similar thing might occur with lesbians and trans men, although it seems to me to be less of an issue there.

More importantly, there are occasionally acts like Caitlin/Bruce Jenner which cause arguments along the following lines: Jenner is doing it for the publicity - Jenner is an attention-hogging fake - trans people are all attention-hogging fakes, unlike us cisgendered queersexuals, who are all truly feeling these unavoidable attractions from deep within. That's unfair and untrue. In contrast to Jenner, there are many, many people out there who have struggled long and hard to validate their gender identities, and they shouldn't be considered fakes at all. We should keep in mind that it's tough for them, amd calling them fakes doesn't help anything. (Besides, it's not all cut-and-dried: there are people I've known who faked their sexuality for attention too.)

More simply, it might be that gender and sexuality are two different (though often related) things. I hear people (especially my dad) carelessly dismiss the two as being the same all the time, and it does get annoying. It doesn't, of course, justify an all-out trans-vs-gay battle, but it could certainly be a contributing factor.

AtheistWorld pointed out that among trans men, you'll get flack from the male culture; a lot of men (again, my dad is a good example of this) have this thing against "true" masculinity, such that if you seem even the slightest bit feminine you get called, with varying tones of derision, a "gutless wonder," a "pussy," a "little b*tch" or whatever other mean thing they can think up. (My dad once took a guy's first and last name, transmuted them into a girl's name, and proceeded to call the man by that name from then on, always in a contemptuous tone. Why he thought this was an insult, I don't know, but it was clearly calculated to hurt the man - who was admittedly not a very nice man, but also not that girly - on the basis of his perceived femininity.). That's more a matter of the inherent testosterone-fueled girly-phobia in male culture, but it's no less unfortunate.

 

Just want to get this out there but although I can't picture myself win a woman a transgender male isn't too far from mind.

Sure womens body bit still a man

 

None of it makes sense to me. What really doesn't make sense at all to me is when somebody flips out upon learning somebody is, but literally post op and everything.

 

Some of the worst transphobia comes from (cis) gay people. I don't know why, but it's ridiculous.

 

Like I said, most gay men (about 70%) identify as bottoms, so there's sexual incompatibility with dating a trans man. Most people here have, in other threads, made it clear that that's important, so it does make sense why they wouldn't want to be with a trans man.

With transwomen, I don't get why a cis-woman wouldn't want to be with her if she was post-op. But I'm not saying it's wrong for them not to date/sleep with one; it's just a preference.

 

Makes it kind of disheartening for those of us whonare trans and gay.
I understand people have preferences. Trans people who only date cis , or only date trans. Cis people who only date cis, those who only date trans. Trans people who hate cis people who only date trans.
Masc gay men who only date masc men, etc etc etc

It becomes a problem when people turn hateful to the ones they wouldn't date. You don't have to want to date trans people but DO NOT belittle them. Do not call them not 'real men'/'real women'

I'll stop before I go into a rant.

 

I almost gave up on dating entirely if me and my ex never got back together. There was one cis gay guy I spoke to who had some sort of crush on me, and was interested in dating me. When I made it clear that I was trans, he said it didn't faze him and he was fine with it. I will say it made me paranoid that it could have been a chaser of some kind, but then again, it was the first time in a while since I had been with someone, and all those other times I was in the closet.

I often feel uncomfortable with preferences, because it sends a weird message to some people. If anything ever happened to me and my partner, I think I'd only feel safe being with other trans men. But having a "no trans/fats/femmes etc.." policy is so troubling and potentially hurtful, since it tells those groups of people that they're undesirable. And I agree about belittling trans people and saying "I can't be with you because you aren't a real man/woman" or when they make it about what's in someone's pants. That often splits off into the chasers; such as lesbians who say "women and trans men only", which is really gross and wrong.

 

I don't think that's what a chaser is... As I understand it "chaser" or "tranny chaser" as it used to be known... >.> ugh... Was originally a term for a straight male who was into dating transwomen beacause they were trans... Treating us like a fetish... So pretty much a chaser in general would be someone who dates trans people because they are trans and thinks of them as a fetish...

But what you're talking about is a real problem too, I remember seeing on EC specifically that particular sexuality definition on here several times... Essentially I think that comes from a strict attraction to genitalia.. And is sort of a selfish perspective on the subject... I can understand genital preference to an extent... When saying you won't date someone anyways.. But saying you'll date someone that based on their gender identity you wouldn't normally date just because they have the genitalia you like? That's more fucked up to me... I mean at least when you won't date someone they don't have to put up with you either, but with this... It's like, you invalidate their identity while expecting them to be okay with it and want to date you at the same time... I'm sorry, but why would I want to date someone who doesn't recognize my gender identity as valid? Why would I want to date someone who likes my parts even though I hate them? It doesn't make sense to me... :dry: