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Respecting pronouns/name

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by DreamerBoy17, Nov 29, 2015.

  1. DreamerBoy17

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    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Like a lot of trans people, preferred names and pronouns mean a ton to me. That's one of the main reasons I came out to some of my friends, the social dysphoria was getting bad, and I just wanted to be recognized for who I am.

    On Friday, I came out to my 4 closest friends. Two of these, we'll call them L and B, were a bit iffy about the whole thing. B has a transgender aunt who she calls her aunt, but she flat up told me she could never use my names and pronouns. This was very hurtful to me. L is sort of in a state of shock and is processing things, but she said that would be very hard for her too. I fully understand it is going to take them a lot of time to get my new name and pronouns down, but the thing I care about most is seeing that they're genuinely trying. And maybe it's too early to tell, but it seems like they don't even want to do that. They told me they were worried that their parents wouldn't want a boy at their sleepovers and houses (our group has had these sleepovers for 3 years!) but at least they're starting to recognize me a little bit. This morning I sent them an uppercasechase1 video on pronouns and names, but no one has responded yet.
    How should I deal with this?
     
  2. randomconnorcon

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    I think it's one of those wait and see moments, dude.

    The majority of my friends are accepting because they're in the LGBT+ community themselves, but I have one friend who just doesn't understand and doesn't think there should be so many labels like she thinks we use every single one of them. It's caused a couple of 'debates' between her and another friend. But at least she's trying. If I didn't think she ever would try, or after a while it became clear she just wasn't, then our relationship would change. We wouldn't really be the kind of friends we are now.

    It takes time for people to come around, so give them that chance. But when the time is right - and you'll know, because you'll feel it and maybe not like it and question it and slowly accept it, if it takes a turn you don't want - you'll know whether to stick with them or let yourselves drift apart.

    Good luck, Cody. :slight_smile:
     
  3. tgOlivia

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Family only
    I think you're doing the best you could have so far. I think the only thing you can do is give them time, and don't let it slide if they misgender you. Every time they say "she" or your old name, correct them, but otherwise don't push it. Don't bring it up or send them links unless they ask you about why its so important or something. I imagine once you're more out and start to transition it will be easier for them to see you as a male as well. It's hard to look at someone who looks totally female and say "he", but they will as long as you give them time, I'm sure. And if they don't get eventually get to the point of proper name and pronouns than they're being sucky friends and you don't need them. Which sucks to say, but it's true.

    I'm planning on coming out to my GSA friends in three days, and publically (if things go well with my parents) a week from tomorrow. So, I'm sure I'll be running into a similar problem soon, so if any more ideas on dealing with it come to me I'll be sure to update you.
     
  4. JackIsANerd

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    I too came out to my friends a couple days ago and they all were accepting im just hoping they don't misgender me a lot knowing me I will get too scared to correct them :confused: I really do hope your friends start accepting you and use the correct name and pronouns! Maybe after giving them a couple days to adjust they will try their best to see the real you? I hope things go well! (*hug*)
     
  5. WhereWeWere

    WhereWeWere Guest

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    That's extremely disrespectful of her. You should talk to her about this.

    I think this is a common reaction, I wouldn't sweat it too much.

    The best thing your friends can do is talk about that to their parents. I worried about this too. My friend talked to her dad and he said he would be okay with it if I still slept over. I mean, nothing changes- I'm still the same person, I just look different. I am very sure same applies to you.

    Any progress is good progress.

    That's a really great idea. All you can do is wait now.
     
  6. DreamerBoy17

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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thanks everyone! I'm hoping with a little time and some gentle corrections, they'll be just fine. They're my best friends, after all.