So I was questioning my sexuality , I was always only attracted to guys, then after I came out I went into this state of doubt because of guilt and certain unexplained questions or thoughts! It's a different thing that I developed a post traumatic obsessive disorder, but while all this was happening! I ended up starting to question my gender because I had never thought of it or/and shunned every thought of being trans, because of the condition of the trans folk in my country! So anyway that apart! While I was trying to fantasize about the opposite sex in an attempt to explore and determine my sexuality, I faced this weird repulsion so to say, but that was just to the thought of intimate contact with a woman, probably that's because of my sexual orientation, but further from this basic repulsion I faced this intense displeasure of being a man to a woman or taking what is called a "manly" role in a sexual relationship! I face this even when I fantasize about being with a guy ! No I don't mean being dominant , but just the thought of being more of the man amongst the two of us! If you know what I mean! So I was wondering whether this is dysphoria? Just for the sake of completion I fantasized as being a girl when I am with a woman n that thought wasn't exciting if not repulsive and it was not at all sexual! At the same time being a girl to a man felt so right and exciting! On further questioning of my gender I did find clues for genderqueerity! And I think I face socially dysphoria! For example I feel intense discomfort while I'm asked to do guyish or male oriented things. I don't have any body dysphoria except that I want smooth feminine skin and feminine facial and physical features like slender extremities . I do a face a lot of gender euphoria though! Like at the thought of being the nurturing mother the woman who runs the house and even whilst I wear androgynous clothing! So does this mean my gender identity mismatch is restricted to only gender roles? And to wanting to be a woman and do womanly things !
