Hi yall! Soo I made an account on here because I have some "trouble" with myself and I really really need advice. I don't have good experiences with forums like this but hopefully this goes well. My name is Kirsten but I prefer Chris or Christine. I am 18 year old and I am a girl. However I sometimes feel like a boy or girl, nothing or both genders. So genderfluid. I am happy with who I am but I do have a big problem. Because of a tumor that grew in my pituitary, my hormones were blocked including Female hormones. When they gave me female hormones I was super happy. I could finally become a real woman and not some flat chested kid. But now things start to grow I found out how big of a idiot I am. I thought breast would make me feel better because "I am a girl and thats how it's supposed to be". I found out about the term genderfluid and found out that it is 'so me'. Now for my problem, I want my body to be neutral as possible but with the female hormones... it's not possible. I feel like I am forcing myself to take them. I can't stop taking them because I need them for other things then just breasts. Apparantly they keep bones healthy yada yada yada. So I cannot stop taking them. But I dont feel like becoming "100%" girl. If anyone knows what I mean? I talked to my hormone doctor ( I don't know the proper word for it in english) I have for my health issues and she has no idea what she could do. She told me about male hormones but that would make me more masculine and that would be hard if I get one of my girly days... I doubt that someone here has 100% the same problem as me but I hope that someone could give me some advice or stuff ^-^
I think a lot of genderfluid people have the same problem, except that they're producing the hormones instead of having to take them. The issue is ultimately the same though: wanting an androgynous body but having to commit to either male or female hormones. Sadly, hormonally there is no way to be androgynous. You either take estrogen or testosterone. Not having either one isn't healthy, and a low dose of one or the other doesn't make you androgynous; it just makes the changes happen slower. Ultimately, you have to choose which is better for you. There are going to be days you're dysphoric either way. But would you feel better most days on estrogen or testosterone? Also note that if the thing that bothers you most is your breasts, you can get surgery to get them removed without having to take testosterone. Maybe you would feel more comfortable and more androgynous taking estrogen but still having a flat chest.
Hmm.. I actually do not know if I would feel better on testosterone or not. I mostly have a male mood and 90% of my closet has boy clothes. But I am afraid that if I have one of my girly moods, It just takes seeing a pretty dress in a store and I can switch right over, that I get just as uncomfortable as having a female body but feeling male .-. But yeah you are right this is how more genderfluid people feel. But I dont know, It just feels like I am now forcing myself to be one who I am not by taking the hormones. But if I would take testosterone and have a girly day I would have the exact same thing. Uuuuurgh >.<
Testosterone is super permanent and is not a decision to be made lightly. If you would be happy enough living in the body you have now and just presenting differently based on your mood, don't take T. If you are uncomfortable with your body (and I don't just mean uncomfortable with how other people see it; I mean that when you are alone in a room with no one to see you and think your body looks feminine, you feel objectively uncomfortable with things like your lack of facial hair, high voice, and hips) more often than not, then it's definitely worth thinking about taking T. But it's not something you just think about for a few days and decide. It's something where you wait and see if over time it consistently feels like a good idea. And remember, you can be a guy in a dress or a girl in boy's clothes. Taking hormones has nothing to do with moods or presentation. It's all about how often you experience genuine dysphoria and whether that's worth fixing.
