'Sup. I haven't been on this site in ages, mainly because I thought I had all my shit figured out. Obviously not. Recently, my body image/self-worth issues (and the anxiety, can't forget that) have come right back to the front of my mind and essentially it's been recommended to me that I see a GP to discuss whether I need meds or not. That's just the background stuff though. Part of the body image stuff that's started seriously freaking me out is the fact that I've really begun to resent being perceived to be in the male/masculine 'box' as it were. Like, I've started to want to try and distance myself from the 'male' label (even though I know that could be borderline impossible in practice...). Looking back, I've always kind of been interested in seeing how I'd be like if I was more feminine or, well, female, but I'm not sure whether I actually identify as that? Essentially, my mind's pretty screwed up right now and I'm not sure if this gender stuff is me hating my body and wanting it to be as different as possible or whether it's an actual thing. Help appreciated guys *Note, before anyone mentions, I am aware of the gendefluid/genderqueer/agender/non-binary labels
Oh my, that is a heavy load to bear. :[ I am not a doctor or a psychologist so I cannot give you any professional opinion, however I am a sufferer of depression & anxiety, & I have been on medication for these things for some years now. In my personal experience, it wasn't until after I adjusted to my medication that I began to realize just how much I had been suffering. Things that I never would have thought had to do with my depression started to become far less monstrous; my relationships improved, I started doing better in social situations, ect. I still had problems, of course, but they became easier to deal with, & I started a journey toward self-acceptance (which I am still on; but even starting has made all the difference) I am not saying you are sick, I am not saying trans is a sickness, & I am not saying you are not trans. What I am saying is that in my personal case, antidepressants gave me my life back by giving me clarity; clinical depression makes everything so unclear. With this clarity I am able to see that I am indeed trans, & I don't have to worry that I am just so sad that I am 'making it up', or any of those other terrible things we self-doubters tell ourselves. I would encourage you to see the GP about the medicine & take it from there. I hope this helps!
Hey! (and, y'know, thanks ) Yeah, I went to the doctor's today and they just suggested I see how my first counselling session goes next week, then see if they think meds would be a good idea. Which is...somewhat helpful (?) because I've got more of chance to talk about this shit, I guess. No idea tbh
Only you can say for yourself, but to me it sounds like you have more a problem with self esteem, as well as an annoyance with gender roles. Being more feminine in certain circumstances doesn't necessarily mean you want to identify as trans/NB. Only you can answer for yourself, but to me you still sound male even if not 100% masculine. Whatever you decide I wish you the best!
