So as it is now I'm just waiting for an appointment to start my gender therapy which is kinda like my "test" if I truly am transgender. And I'm totally terrified. I do not fit into the classical gender roles at all, I don't even believe in them! I didn't even see me as fully trans for a while and still worried to not because of me but others. I feel 100% male but maybe not like some would describe as the requirements to being trans and that make me feel so bad. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if they say no, you're not trans, go away... I don't plan to fully transition, I don't always have severe dysphoria, I dress however I want be it dresses, pink, heels or whatever. I played with as many "girl" toys as "boys" toys and I enjoyed it, I care deeply about my looks (never understood why that is seen as feminine?), I call myself a mother despite my preferred male pronous and the list goes on... Not to talk about me trying to live as a woman for several years because I felt so bad about all this, which clearly didn't work as I'm out a second time now. I'm so afraid of answering "wrong" on the questions but I can't exactly lie either. I don't want this kind of therapy having such forced gender roles but they do! Why can't the world just let me be male but also myself... :tears: (I'm so sorry for posting to many threads or posts lately...)
Just be yourself. What can go wrong that way? You're the only one who knows yourself well enough.. sometimes I don't understand why labels are so important in this society. Why can't everyone just be themselves without them?
They could deny me the help and eventually future treatment I need... I feel the same, I just wanna be me... Fully accepted by people and society and just being me...
A good therapist will just help you sort your feelings out. Nothing more. The scary part may be admitting something to yourself you might not want to.
I've already admitted it to myself, which wasn't easy. It's that I'm not any less trans just because I'm not going to transition at this point in my life, or how I act, dress or anything. That my situation is just as hard as anyone's still. But I'm terrified that it will complicate things in terms of desperately getting the help I need, especially since I feel a bit left out in a already small community... Sorry for sounding so very negative...
If you're dysphoric and you make that clear, a good therapist will understand that it doesn't matter that you like dresses and call yourself a mother. If the therapist doesn't see that, you need a new one, because you need someone who can understand that physical dysphoria exists independently of social roles and stereotypes and that you need treatment regardless of the clothes you wear and the words you use. Just emphasize your dysphoria. Don't lie about anything; when asked, be honest about the fact that you don't conform to gender roles and you sometimes use female-coded language for yourself. Don't exaggerate your dysphoria. But put a clear emphasis on the discomfort you experience that makes you feel that you need to physically transition. Again, a good therapist will recognize that you can have physical dysphoria and need to transition even if you like dresses.
