So I've known I'm not straight for almost a year and a half now but for the past couple of months I've had strange, sporadic bouts of gender confusion. It started after I came out to a few friends and what usually happens is that for a few days I'll feel perfectly fine as I am and not obsess over gender for a while, but then for another few days or even a couple of weeks I'll feel a bit strange: - I spend a lot of time trying to look less feminine and more androgynous, feel proud when people say I look like a boy (which doesn't happen often even when I try) and I secretly want someone to mistake me for a boy. - Once when I was going through one of these 'phases' I had to wear a dress and it felt revolting in a way I've never experienced before. I wore that same dress months ago and felt amazing in it. - Whenever I see someone/find pictures of people who look very androgynous, I get excited. Not in a sexual way, more like a butterflies anxiety/energetic way. - I get overly frustrated when I feel that I look too feminine (I spend way too long in front of a mirror sometimes to make sure as much of my hair is contained in a bun as possible). - I get unreasonably annoyed with my more 'girly' friends and want to spend more time with my guy friends. - I spend a lot of time monitoring how I walk so it doesn't look too 'girly' - It occasionally feels out-of-place when people call me by female pronouns. I don't know what to think about all this. I like my female body and wouldn't want to be born as a man (that's why I'm worried about binding - I like having breasts, but without hiding them I can't look androgynous) and this has only started happening very recently and flips on and off in a way. Although now that I think about it I was always a massive tomboy when I was a kid and felt just as comfortable being friends with guys as with girls for a long time. I also tended to idolize a lot of the guys I knew and want to be like them in some intangible way, but until recently I always mistook intense fangirl/celebrity crush-like admiration for genuine crushes. Is sporadic gender confusion normal in adolescence or something? If not then what could this all mean and what can I do about it? :help:
It kind of sounds like a gender role issue. You can be a girl who's masculine/androgynous, dislike dresses, or otherwise want to look masculine. It sounds more like you want to look a certain way, rather than be biologically different.
sounds similar to me.:icon_bigg i am bi gender (amab) and i do go through phases of male and female sometimes a blend. you dont mention any disphoria with your body so i assume that isnt a major issue, gender is in the mind not in the physical parts that say male or female. self censoring is something we seem to have to do for many reasons, im not out at work at all so i have to censor my walk too so as not to appear femine while at work even though i may switch from male to female just walking down the corridor, sometimes i say the heck with it and let my girl side stride :lol: any questions, hit me up i will help any way i can, but im not a doctor or a gender specialist, just someone on a journey.
