I've always felt like there was something missing, even at the happiest of times in my life. I know this sounds selfish, considering I had a decent life, but I was never content with myself. I think I've finally figured out what that missing piece is. When I pretend to be a guy online, it feels right, natural. One time, I decided I wanted to dress like a boy and stuff my hair under a beanie, just because... It felt amazing. I finally was content. I came out to my parents about it. They said they're okay with it, but said I cannot transition (or come out to anyone else) till I'm out of high school, which I'm 50/50 on. The reason why I'm 50/50 on it is because I'm afraid of society's reaction. I'm afraid I'll be ridiculed, made fun of, even more than I am already. I'm scared that I'll be beat up, I'm scared that I won't get a job, and I'm scared that I'll be a laughingstock. I don't want to be this way, I hate the fear and the pressure, I don't want to be this way yet at the same time I can't accept myself as I am. I try and I try, yet I just CAN'T. I can't be content, I can't be truly happy, I can't accept myself.:help:
Hello, Perhaps that, even though your parents asked you not to come out to anyone else, they could call you by the pronouns and name you want [whether that's the same or changed]. Could you tell a really close friend who you know will accept in secret? I know it's deceiving your parents, but something to think about. In university there might be LGBT clubs and you can all help each other then and I'm sure there will be non-LGBT supporters as well so they can help too. I'd love to say that those things that you've said you're scared of won't happen, but I've heard them happen so much I can't pretend they don't. But I'm sure there's way more supporters than not, and probably, those non-supporters are ignorant in other areas too [not trying to excuse them, but I am saying they need an education].
im dealing with alot of the same stuff from the other way around (in the sense that im pre-e mtf) and in high school. but it might be a good idea not to tell people at school (depending on where you go and what the people there are like.). maybe tell one or two friends who you are sure you can trust. and if you feel particularly bad maybe talk to them about it with them.
Most people aren't as confrontational as you think they'll be. Discrimination is a thong, but it's unlikely you'll get beat up, raped, or killed. I used to feel the same way, but I'm accustomed to it now and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be patient.
It's normal to be scared, especially if you live in an area where things are not so friendly towards LGBT people; but you can't let the fear control you *hugs*
