So about 2-3 weeks ago I came out to my parents, girlfriend, and a few close friends. Things went pretty great with my parents and friends, obviously they didn't go well with my girlfriend, but I didn't expect anything different. With getting these mostly positive reactions (my parents have been trying to use female pronouns and whatnot) you would think I would feel really good. Everyone I've ever heard from said that coming out felt like they had this huge weight lifted off of their shoulders. But I really don't. I don't feel happier, or more free, I just feel downright miserable. I really thought I'd be happy with this, but I'm not. I feel nothing but regret, because now things are incredibly awkward with my family and friends, and I'm just heartbroken about losing my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. I want to keep moving on; coming out publically, starting to transition, etc. I was really hoping to come out after the New Year, because that will really be my best chance in the next eight months. But now I don't want to. I wish I never came out at all. Mostly I just wish I wasn't trans. It seems like I'm intentionally making my life infinitely more difficult than it needs to be by doing this. Being trans sucks. I just feel like I'm giving up a happy life to be a girl, when logically I feel gender should be irrelevant. I don't care about gender roles, Im not that feminine anyway. And I don't think I'll ever really feel like a real girl no matter how much I transition or what I do. I just really don't feel like its worth it. I want to go back in time to before I came out and just not come out. I want to move forward though, because I'm not sure I can deal with this fricking closet any longer, even if the closet seems so much safer than the cruel outside world. Sorry for the long and vaugly melodramatic rant, but I am really miserable and needed to get this out somewhere. I don't really think there is any advice that could help, but I desperately need some. I just feel so lost and scared and alone.
Hello, Transfemales are female and transmales are male. Maybe don't come out to people like your future boss until you have gotten the job. To be honest, the world is cruel no matter what you are/what you believe. Everybody has different opinions so everything could cause an offense and if you really can't stand their opinion, just stay away from them. Um, I'm not sure how much this actually helped, as I'm not really good at emotional advice, but I hoped I helped.
It's ok to feel like this, and you're right, being trans* can suck. But it will get better. You will eventually pass as a woman, people will call you by she/her pronouns, etc. You are not giving up a happy life to be a girl, you are just going through some hard times. And this quote I read online helps me during hard times: everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. So hang in there because this rain will lead you to a beautiful rainbow (*hug*)
It's actually pretty common to feel miserable after coming out. Not everybody deals well with change, so maybe let the new reality set in for you and your family.
When I came out to my mom, I had a "screw the world" attitude and I ended up feeling very anxious, nervous, angry and trashy afterwards. I think it's normal to feel bad after coming out. <3
