Questions about gender identity and gender expression

1. Gender expression is basically what you like to do and what you like to wear. I'm not entirely sure why it's called 'gender' expression, because it's more just expression.

2. History seems to have a sense that 'girls have to like X' and 'boys have to like Z' but reality girls and boys and non-binary can like X and/or Z however the individual wishes.

3. Gender expression and gender identity are two different things. Expression is what you do, and identity is what you are in terms of gender.

I have to go to dinner now, but I find something to add, I'll continue later.

 

1. I was going to say it was both learned and innate (in that everyone naturally has preferences for certain clothes, but those preferences can be so strongly skewed by societal influences that it's impossible to tell where innate preference ends and societal expectations begin), but then I reconsidered the implications of your question. The suggestion that trans kids naturally go towards the stereotypical presentation of their gender and it's an innate preference implies that little girls are born liking dresses and princesses and boys are born liking jeans and trucks, which would, in turn, imply that gender stereotypes have a biological basis. So, no. Gender expression, in that sense, is not innate.

Kids are gonna have innate preferences for clothing (that have nothing to do with their gender) which they may or may not feel comfortable expressing because of societal pressures. All kids are interested in wearing dresses at some point in their childhood; I suspect young trans girls feel more free to do so because they see other girls doing it, so they assume it's good for them to do too. Young trans boys feel more comfortable refusing to wear dresses because that's what the other boys are doing. But cis girls who are tomboys and cis guys who like dresses exist too. It's all a matter of personal clothing preferences and whether or not your view of your role in society allows you to express those preferences or whether they will gradually be squashed out of you as you grow older due to society's expectations for your gender.

2. Are things gendered? In our society, yes. Are they inherently gendered? No. Should they be gendered? Absolutely not. The fact is, it can be really reassuring and reaffirming to do things that are associated with your gender because it means society is more likely to view you the way you see yourself. But if these things weren't gendered in the first place, it wouldn't be a problem. So, trans people often take advantage of gendered things to help reaffirm their gender, but it wouldn't be necessary if society stopped assigning genders to activities, inanimate objects, and clothing.

3. Gender expression and identity often line up, but it's important not to base your identity solely on expression. The experience of always wanting to wear dresses (or of always hating them) is common simply because when people are not fully aware of their gender identity, roles and stereotypes are often the only way they have to express it. A young trans girl doesn't have the language to go "I identify as female but feel comfortable expressing myself in any way I feel like it". A young trans girl (particularly one who isn't aware of her identity) is going to be drawn towards the behaviors and expression of other girls, who are mostly going to be conforming to gender stereotypes because that's what they've been taught to do. Even once you do have the language for it, gender expression can be a vital part of gender identity. I love dresses, but for the most part hate wearing them because they make me dysphoric. I am more comfortable in clothing from the men's section because it helps people see me as more masculine, and it helps me see myself as male. But it's still important to separate your gender expression from your identity at least long enough to make sure that your identity is based in something other than the clothes you like to wear.