I don't fit in the "I always knew" narrative - am I really trans?

I know I am not MtF but I hope I can offer a little help! Not everyone knows they are trans from a young age, everyone figures it out at a different time in their life. Like me for example I didn't figure it out till a few months ago! Basically don't feel bad or less trans just because you didn't figure it out early on, it can take awhile for things to click. Plus there are MtF people that also like typical "boy" stuff same with FtM people and typical "girl" stuff. Your interests don't define your gender you can like whatever you want and still be who you truly are! (*hug*)

 

Like person above I'm not MtF but I hope I can help.
I didn't always know either. In fact growing up I had a bunch of female friends and played with barbies. I tried to be girly, it was expected of me. Took me till I was 22 to figure everything out.

The things that you like to do do not determine your gender. There are plenty of cis females who do manly things, and there are a lot of men who do feminine things

 

I somewhat relate to your experience, but also to the most common trans narratives. I like doom metal, the manly subgenre of the already manly metal. I love video games. I didn't really play with dolls as a kid, but I did wear dresses whenever I could. I knew since I was 7, and I only like women. If you're worried about your story sounding implausible or making yourself sound like a poser, I think that's just part of the denial stage when figuring out your gender.

For a long time I was numb to my dysphoria besides wanting more typically female genitalia, and being really scared of penetrative sex with me being the penetrator. Maybe that's your case, maybe it's not.

But anyway, still everything here sounds like a trans narrative, even a binary trans narrative.

There's good reason to be deeply hurt by stuff like this. It's pretty much gaslighting. It's probably not meant that way, but intent and impact are two different things.

I don't think your story is weird at all. You just sound like a binary trans woman to me, but you could be non binary. I find it unlikely that you're cis, but anything is possible.

 

I only found out thks year

 

Not everybody does know. Don't worry about it. You're still trans. Obviously people are entitled to their always knew narrative, and I can't fault anyone for being comfortable in their certainty, I dislike the way it contributed to making others feel as if they aren't really trans, or aren't trans enough. If you feel like a woman, you are one, and that's all there is to it.

And for the record, I've met many people who didn't know. Some can see through their denial in hindsight, but others really didn't feel it. Whatever. Transition is still the right decision for them. Whether it is for you, well that's up to you.

 

This is a very important point to make. The popular claim of having always known has historically been required for medical transition, and sometimes even today is still required, and it makes it harder for people to figure themselves out when they don't fit the "always knew" narrative. I completely agree that feeling you're a woman is what makes someone a woman.

Also, I don't mean to sound like I was giving an "always knew" story as some ultimate proof of being a trans woman.

 

Really hard to say. You haven't known since your youth, so on that account it seems highly uncertain. However, if you have those feelings now........ you very well could be. Not everyone knows right away. Some of the things you described sound like this is something that you really want......... plus if you are uncomfortable with your genitalia, that makes me think you most likely are. I can't say though, but if these are thoughts and feelings you have on a typical basis I'd say there is a very high chance of it being the case. I would suggest going to a counselor to discuss this issue. They may be able to help you sort through your thoughts.

Also, I would strongly recommend not taking permanent actions unless you are absolutely and 100% sure....... and have been sure for a long period of time. This is not something you can go back on, so I would seriously give it more thought. I would also strongly recommend that for something so profound and important, do not seek advice from strangers on the internet.

 

I can definitely relate to your feelings of not necessarily knowing from a young age that you were different and also having interests in the things that are generally assigned to your gender. I have found that just taking a step in a direction to further explore more feminine things would help you out. There are great people on here with great advice and options on how to do that. Definitely seeing a specialist to further discuss these feelings is a good way to go in order to expand on the matter and really delve into those feelings. Gender fluidity is also something to consider. I personally find that I might be gender fluid to a point, but want to have it all centered about being physically male, which I currently do not have.
I don't think that everyone "always knew" there are those of us who worked to fit into what we were assigned and could fill the shape fairly well, but had odd places that don't quite fit.

 

Like others said, not everyone knows from the young age; the same goes for knowing one's sexuality, or knowing one's right career, etc. We are all different and there's no compulsory list of requirements for being trans. For example some people have rather severe response to gender dysphoria, while some people's dysphoria is less obvious because they just recognize that they'd feel better if their body was different and if they weren't perceived as their assigned gender at birth. Moreover the level of one's dysphoria can fluctuate over time, and from my own experience seems to get stronger with age and acknowledging I don't really feel female. P.S. I know a cis woman who loves metal and it doesn't make her any less feminine.

 

The thing with me is not that I knew something was off. It's that everyone else kept telling me I was off, because who I was didn't line up to what they saw. Enough people call you a freak long enough, you start to believe maybe they're on to something, but then it takes, like, forever to figure it out because I live in this world where no one even wants to talk seriously about gender identity. Years of being told nothing more than "you're either male or female, and that's it" and being told that if you feel more feminine, then you must actually be trans, and like, none of those fit. It's kind of hard to have always known you were somewhere more in-between when "both" and "neither" aren't considered options.

 

My wife is a transwoman who didn't start transition until she was twenty two. Not everyone just always knows. And yeah, she wears makeup and heels and loves to go shopping, but she also loves to kick her brothers' asses at video games, play basketball, and go fishing. There's no such thing as a male hobby or a female hobby. You enjoy what you enjoy. There are plenty of transwomen who still love putting on a nice suit, and plenty of transmen who still wear makeup. Your journey is uniquely yours. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's.