Hello I am a 14 year old transgirl who is too scared to come out, the men in my family are more conservative (my Dad already said he disaggrees with gays, and my brother is always calling people fags and bendos but Im not sure if he agrees with it or not) while the girls are more liberal, (my mother gave out to my Dad for disagreeing with gays by saying, "When have you ever lived by the Bible" when he used the Bible to say gays are bad, my sister and mum also aggred that they should be allowed to be happy, and I'm obviously LGBT so I would agree with gays) But I don't think my dad would accept me and I am not sure if the rest of my family would, I am not sure how the people in school would treat me, like my friends, one of them called a person in my school who had a women's vojce a tranny and a transvestite, but he could've been trying to be cool. I just want to live full-time as a girl, but I don't think that will happen for another 4 years. I don't want to miss out on my girl teenage years.
Since your mom and sister seem more laid back about the subject, do you think they'd be open minded about you being trans? If so, maybe start there with them and see how they react. Maybe you could go out to lunch with them somewhere and talk to them about it, or a time when your brother and dad aren't in the house. If you aren't sure, maybe pop the question to them like a hypothetical friend you have who is trans who has transphobic parents or a documentary you saw about trans youth (ex: the 20/20 documentary Barbara Walters did a few years ago with three or so trans teens and kids) and maybe you could gauge a possible reaction from them. If you feel like you could be in danger is you came out, maybe you should put things on hold until you're able to support yourself and you're a legal adult in the event something goes wrong.
I don't think anyone but you could ever know enough about your situation to tell you what you should do with absolute certainty, but keep this in mind: Once you come out, that's it. There is no going back and pretending it never happened. If you choose to come out, and those around you refuse to accept you for who you are, it could make your life an inescapable hell for years. I personally feel that one should only come out in a risky environment if they have a safe place they can fall back to, which, being as young as you are, you may well not. On the other hand, if your dysphoria is bad enough, your life could become hellish if you do nothing. I guess the best advice, to my mind, would be to tread carefully, but do what you must to stay true to yourself.
Try to introduce them to trans issues. I teach my mom about transgender people, nonbinary stuff and genders for it to be easier when I come out
When I came out to my mom and sister, I was very detailed and persistent. Especially with my mom. My sister was just like "Okay. I wasn't expecting that. I'm open minded and I'm supportive." and is a brick wall (not receptive, and doesn't listen to anyone but her friends who can be assholes), so nothing put peace of mind from that whole thing. All she ever did was pressure me to come out to my mom. She most likely couldn't and wouldn't help me out much at all. When I decided to come out to my mom (i was drunk with empowerment and high off of confidence), it went over alright. I mean, she did her normal shut-down mode thing and pretended that she was a victim of a heinous crime. She does this whole act all the time, especially when she finds a fork in with the spoons, so I just persisted and insisted. She tried to intimidate me into thinking that it would be a mistake to talk to my counselor at school, but I did it anyway and that gave me some peace of mind and my mom had to sit down and talk with her. She said that she would never understand it regardless and that she thinks growing up with mainly girls around biased me. Anyway, she agreed to help me find a therapist to help me with my depression at the bare minimum and never help true to that. That was like two months ago. The important thing to remember is that you're doing what you're doing for you. Not them. Coming out and transitioning and living full time as a woman would be for you. Coming out would give you peace of mind and could lift some of that weight of your shoulders. If you do decide to come out you should use this (this is what I told my mom) "It's like a train, get on while it's at the station before it leaves without you. There won't be another one" You could also plug bus, and boat, etc. Be well! (*hug*)^-^ <3 (*hug*)
From personal experience it may not be a rose garden. I came out to my mom, and she is ok with me being trans, but won't let me transition at all or appear anything but male. So, I have to wait till I'm 18. My dad I'm pretty sure won't have much to do with me when he finds out. I totally understand what it feels like to just wanting to be a girl. Hang in their, it will be ok in the end(*hug*)
Thanks guys, . If I fail as a teen I will transition as an early adult when I have more control over my life.
I'm going to answer this as a teacher, who has students your age. First, I don't know what the laws are where you live, but here in California, trans-youth have rights and protections, and it would be good for you to learn what you have in your area. Is there a LGBTQ club at your school? It would be good to have an adult advocate, someone who accepts you and is in your corner. We have one openly trans girl at our school. Her parents refuse to acknowledge it, and continue to use her birth name and use the wrong pronouns. She has built a strong network of friends. I remember once she and another girl, who was my student, were in a screaming fight in front of my classroom. I was so worried that my student was mistreating her, so I pulled her aside to see what was going on. It was so wonderful to hear my student using the correct pronouns and complaining about their fight without any prejudice. Just a regular ole fight between girls! Some students in our Pride Club are advocating to get gender neutral restrooms. We have a somewhat supportive principal, and the school librarian is gay, and trying to get a collection of books and videos for our LGBTQ student population. And we are in one of the most conservative and religious areas of California.
No we have no LGBT club in my school, I think in Ireland I have rights, but can't legally change gender until 18. I live in the 2nd most conserveative part of Ireland where 49.99% of the people are conservative and 50.01% of the people, liberal,
I totally get why you want to come out now. I'm rather regretful about missing being able to have been a little girl, or a teenage girl, and am still missing out until I come out to more than my family. It sucks. But from the way you describe your situation I'd advise you to be careful and maybe sacrifice those years if you have to. I've heard of too many trans, and even just gay, children being disowned or abused by parents who were not accepting. Frankly, as much as it sucks it isn't worth that to come out a few years earlier. If you think they wont be accepting, but that you will be safe, than I totally recommend coming out and trying to turn them around. BUT, if you think there is any chance at all that coming out will put you in danger, I highly recommend you don't do it. It sucks, but its the best thing you can do. Best wishes, be safe, and don't forget to be awesome! ~Olivia Also, here's a song pretty much about what I was saying. I don't usually love the style of music, but boyinaband is generally pretty awesome. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYoapICIfeE
