Hello...where does one begin? I don't know who I am...I was born female but have always always been a Tomboy. I've never ever dressed like a girl, I've never wanted to play with dolls. I've had long hair because that's what I thought was needed for people to see me as female, not because that's what I wanted but because that's what would make my parents feel comfortable. All throughout* my life I've been mistaken as a sir, or he. It's never bothered me other than when the other person realizes I'm a she and they apologize. I just say it's OK and continue* on. My family is quite dysfunctional, which is common I know. However, my mother, brother in law and quite a few that surround me aren't supportive of gay, lesbian, transsexual, etc. They have rude remarks and don't accept it at all. Which of course makes me feel completely* uncomfortable and I could never tell them "hey, I've never ever once felt like a girl, my body disgusts me". So I remain closed off, I keep to myself and by that I truly mean every aspect of it. My friends are coworkers.... Growing up my mother would call me, dyke, lesbian, whore, whatever she felt she needed to say to make her point. Growing up I was seen as being gay because I dressed like a guy and played sports, wore a hat all the time. I don't like tight fitting clothes and I don't wear anything exterior that resembles a girl. I've recently cut my hair from waist long to clipper blade 2 on the sides.... I feel that if I wanted to be accepted in this world I would have to die and come back as a guy....that's sad...my sisters say they know I'm gay it's OK to say it but I don't because it's not something acceptable...and if I don't feel like a female am I "gay". I'm an introvert* and I'm an extremely* closed off individual, I don't talk to others about me, what's inside* my head because they wouldn't understand or they would judge. I guess I needed to vent...I have nowhere else to turn and feel like I'm living a lie....lol that's all... Happy New Years!!
I'm going to be a little straight to the point here. If you feel like you're a guy, you can be a guy. You can view yourself as a guy too. If now is not a safe time for you to actively express yourself as a guy, then wait until you can safely do so. I don't know how old you are and I'm not going to ask, but I can tell you that you shouldn't let others make you feel ashamed for feeling that way. I'm not sure you should be considered gay until you actually made the transition to male, but I don't really know much about that. Basically, be a guy, and only express it when it's safe for you to do so. I hoped this helped a little...
Thank you for the reply. I'm plenty old enough I shouldn't let what others think bother me. However , I feel like if I said hey I'm attracted to women and I don't like dressing or having the body of a female...that wouldn't go over too well. I feel obligated to take care of my mother because no one else in the family can stand to be around her for long periods of time because she's rude and disrespectful has no thoughts or concerns as to how others can be affected by her words and actions. I have a country lifestyle so dressing in boots, jeans and tshirts does't cause too much of an uproar but I know people question me. I'm in college and with the career I'm going into I don't know honestly. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do, I guess for now just keep to myself dress how I've done my entire life and turn the other cheek while not letting anyone close.....
Well if you're independent from your parents, I mean not living with them, then really the choice is yours. I mean you're free to do what you're want, at least that's what I'm guessing since you say you're in college and have already selected a career. Correct me if I'm wrong. I know there's a transition process you can go through to become a male, I don't know much about it but if you have the time and money you can probably do it. It might be a little easier on you if you could truly call yourself a guy while looking like one. That's just my opinion however.
I live with my mother due to the fact that she has medical problems and needs to be monitored. Yes I have a career lined out and am in progress to achieving it. I've changed careers and that's why I'm going to college now. I guess I've never really thought about surgery. The thing I dislike the most are breasts. I don't like them and if I could have them removed I would. Maybe I'm just lesbian, I have no idea.
Well you've still got time to figure it out Maybe you could just be a butch lesbian? Just an idea. This is something you need to think more over, I think.
Probably so. I never do anything for myself. I feel obligated to help her and put myself to the side. I've done it for years I guess I need to change that.
