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Name Headaches

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by DreamerBoy17, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. DreamerBoy17

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    Many of you on this site know me as Cody. And I love that name, I feel very connected to it and feel that it is mine.

    However, my mother doesn't exactly feel the same. For good reason, too. She's my mom, after all. She put thought and careful planning into my name, and it must be jarring for her for me to change it. Tonight I asked her to please work on using my proper name and pronouns, and she agreed to do her best, which is all I ask. Again, I realize it will take a mother time to get used to such a thing. But she keeps bringing up other names she likes for me, like Leo, Liam, or Garret, as if I'm going to go along and change it. I don't feel the same strong connection to any of these names at all.

    At the same time, this has me feeling extremely guilty. I feel like I'm letting her down by choosing my own name.

    Can anyone else relate or give advice?
     
  2. Kira

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    Family are always slow with name changes it seems, especially since they're used to calling you one name your whole life. A lot of them just don't understand how important it is to call somebody the right name though: If you were fine with the name you wouldn't be changing it in the first place, you know? I've tried to explain it to my family countless times to no avail, some never get it.

    But of course it's your name, so it's your choice and yours only. You shouldn't feel bad about picking your own name at all, it's part of your identity.
     
  3. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    Maybe she could come up with a nick-name for you? That way she has some input and might not talk about changing your name.
     
  4. Reciprocal

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    If she hasn't already, she could put a photo of you on the fridge or somewhere she would see it a lot, and write "Cody" in big letters next to it. Or wear one of those name badges :slight_smile:

    If you don't have a middle name already you could use one of those names as a middle, so your mother feels more involved in the process.

    Or I like Secrets5's idea of a nickname. My parents call me all sorts of daft things: used to be Hedge, now it's Angus (both have a bit of a story behind them).
     
  5. DreamerBoy17

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    I love the idea of letting her pick my middle name! I can't believe I didn't think of that! She middle named me after a family member, so maybe this would help her feel better. I had an idea of what I wanted my middle name to be, but I honestly have no qualms about letting her decide.