I was doing pretty well this week until my mom called me and broke my heart. (I have divorced parents, and my sister lives with my mom.) My youngest sister, who is 7, has long been picking up on my gender, and within the past few days it has all clicked with her. She realizes I am a boy and she has been crying and not caring about her homework or anything because she feels like she's losing a sister. She is heartbroken. And it broke my heart. And my mom seemed so distant on the phone as well. She kept saying that my gender change was "sudden" and that I needed to be patient with her and my dad and that it's very hard on her. My dad's in a state of shock because I was his favorite daughter. I feel like I'm ruining my family and just causing problems. But I can't stand to live my life as a lie, and my mom assured me that she supported me, and yet she's killing me. I just feel so bad for my family having to cope and adjust their lives only for me.
Aw, honey, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Just give it time. Assure your youngest sister that she's not losing anyone- it's still you.
They'll get over it. Your seven year old sister is, well, seven. She'll grow up and understand she's not losing anybody. You should talk to her and say, "You're not losing your sister, you've always had a brother." or something like, "I'm not changing my inside, I'll only look different on the outside."
I feel the longer you would have waited, the harder it would have been for you and the family alike. If coming out is causing issues, they aren't your fault; you're simply being yourself and everybody has to do that or it'll drive them crazy. They don't seem to get that you're still you, they've just been calling you the wrong pronouns and such. It's simple really, but the majority of people aren't educated on this issue since schools refuse to teach it. I don't know, I just hope things get better. Maybe they'll understand eventually.
I think it's less common for parents and close ones not to feel like this when a close one comes out. It's a very common response, sadly, because of poor education on the matter for one thing, like Kira^ said. I know it must feel really hard now. But give it some time. Do your best and you've done plenty. And don't hesitate to reach out and talk to people when you feel like you need to.
My mom and dad responded more or less the same exact way yours did so I totally understand. I barely talked or had any meaningful relationship with them for more or less the past year... My brother is almost my age though and he generally has been ok with it but I don't know how he really internalized it. I can't really offer any advice about a 7 year old sister but I totally feel for you and am here for you.
You're fine--they're just going through a grieving period. As cruel as it sounds, it's better for them to be temporarily unhappy than it is for you to literally be miserable your entire life.
A few days after I came out my mom started crying hysterically, because all she ever wanted was a daughter and I'm an only child, so yeah, it's tough. She got over it pretty quickly though, because I made it clear that I can not change who I am. My dad needed more time, I've been out for a year and he has only recently started calling my by my preferred name and pronouns. Just try to remember that this is most likely temporary and in the long run your parents and sister will realize this is who you truly are. They'll see how much better you feel and that's probably all they want, for you to be happy. I know patience is hard, but hang in there!
You are not tearing your family apart don't worry, your sister is only and thinks you will act differntly and maybe not do stuff with her as much, but in reality, nothing much will change for her, your mum and dad might think that you're just making thing harder for yourself and not eant that
It's normal for family members to go through a grieving process when they find out that a member of the family is transgender. The family members go through the stages of loss. Most likely you went through something like this when you realized that you are transgender. I would try to be there for them and answer any questions as they come up. Hopefully as time goes on, your family will come around some more.
I can relate. Awhile back, i posted a thread about me...kinda...sorta...unknowingly( heavy sigh) "touching" someone i know. It got reported (possibly by an admin,but eho really knows) and i got called to the office in my school. When i went home, we got a call from the police saying they would investigate the case or smthn. My mom asked me about what happened, and i told her everything excelt the EC part. Also, i just ruined a little kids life, and potentially my younger sisters, and whole family's in general, and my mom's friendship with someone...yup i should feel pretty horrible, i kinda do, but i thought this feeling would be worse. I made my mom not trust me, and now i don't what to expect cuz i might get a criminal record, which is scary.....i feel like i pretty much just might make my lufe as i know it fall apart.
I can seriously relate to you. I already came out to my mom, and she went into straight denial. I'm seriously terrified to come out to my dad because I'm his only biological daughter, and I want to transition into a man so badly. Unfortunately, I have an older brother, so I can't give you advice on how to deal with your sister. However, if you had waited any longer, it would have been even harder on your sister. She also has to realize that she's not losing you. You've always been a boy, and it's hard for other people to understand. What's going on in your family isn't your fault, and you should try and stop blaming yourself for it. You have to be who you are on the inside. I wish you the best of luck, and I really feel you.
Thank you, everyone for your support. It means a lot. I will always be there to answer questions for them and be there for them in general. I'll just wait things out and see what happens.
I don't really know how to offer advice, because when i came out as trans (ftm) my parents were quiet for a while, but were surprisingly chill. Although it's been several months and no-one's called my my preferred name or pronouns yet, (except one friend whom I only see in the holidays, and she only called me them twice before she forgot and went back to 'she' and 'her') So my coming out was a lot more chill then your one seems. All I can offer are my condolences and hope that they will accept you.
Your family will come around eventually, just give it some time. If you really feel as strongly as you say you do, then it's important to be true to that. Hang in there, DreamerBoy 'Jay'. :icon_wink
I don't have any advice on this since I have not come out yet. I really hope they come around and accept you maybe they just need time? I am sure after everything sinks in everything will be okay! (*hug*)
I think everyone who's come out to their family has gone through a similar emotional tough spot, going to sleep without the reassurance that things will be okay, and bearing the guilt of making your family's life more difficult. I hope this helps: remember the mounting suffering of having to keep it a secret. Realize that this is the better option—to really open up to someone, you often have to put yourself through pain as well. I've grown closer to my own father because of this ... I wish for your family to realize how grateful they should be to have you, and for them to share that feeling with you too.
