I am biologically female, but I have never, in my life, felt feminine. This is very important to note because femininity is, I think, different than gender, if that makes sense (not being feminine is different than not being female). Anyway, I have always hid my curves, and dressed in, if not a masculine style, then in a unisex style: men's or unisex shirts, straight jeans, jackets/hoodies, etc. You may read this and think that I am just a masculine female, however, I feel like a man sometimes. My voice slips into a deeper tone sometimes, and I tend to act in a way that I would consider manly. Other times I act feminine, like I'll talk in a more feminine way about things that females would have to deal with. One thing to note is that I have never minded my breasts, or had any desire to wear a binder. This may be because I have quite small breasts that are almost unidentifiable under a large shirt and completely hidden underneath a hoodie. Another, I wouldn't say unsettling, but perhaps questionable occurrence is when I have dreams about sex. In every one of these dreams, I am the one with the penis. Every single one. And when I wake, and remember these dreams, I feel like that is perhaps how I wish it was. But I still slip into the feminine me. Another thing to note, but something that I don't believe is related to the subject of gender is the fact that I am attracted to women and only women. I do admire men, but in a way that other men would (like, he appears muscular, or I like his hair). If you have any similar experiences, I would like to hear about them. If you have any advice, I would like to hear it. I appreciate everybody's time.
Hi there. Welcome to EC! To get right down to the point - you seem to be mostly describing your personality here, rather than a discomfort with your body or position in society in terms of your gender, i.e. dysphoria. You seem to be a pretty masculine person. But as you say, masculinity is different from gender; for example, I'm pretty feminine, but there are cis men out there who are more feminine than me. That obviously doesn't mean they're trans. Dreaming of having a penis might be indicative of you having some level of dysphoria. Note, though, that even if that is the case, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're male - it might mean that you fit well under the genderqueer label, after all. Now, some questions: How do you feel about being perceived as female? Could you imagine being perceived as male, and how, in that case, do you feel about that? Suppose you got a chance to transition with all expenses paid. How do you think you would feel about having no breasts, maybe a penis, facial hair, a deep voice, more muscles, etc.? And btw, I don't mean answer any questions exactly, just a general picture if you think it will help. Hope that helps. <3
