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Questioning my gender and sexuality - How to know and what to do?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by the nerd, Jan 8, 2016.

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  1. the nerd

    the nerd
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi there :smilewave

    I don't exactly know where to start. Well, I've been questioning my sexuality for years. When I first fell in love at the age of 13 or 14, I fell in love with a boy, so I didn't think about this topic that much. But, well, it was just a crush. For the last 3 years I've been thinking I was lesbian or bi, but I didn't really fall in love with a girl. I kinda thought I HAD TO BE lesbian. It sounds stupid, but I thought I should like girls and I didn't know why. But I like boys. I don't know if I like girls, but I'm sure I like boys.

    A few weeks ago (I'm 18 now) I started thinking about my gender and whether I might feel more like a guy. I don't know why, but as I was watching videos on YouTube, I typed in: "Am I transgender?" And I watched a lot of videos about this topic, read a lot on the internet and finally I thought, I was.

    I didn't know for sure, so I wanted to buy a binder to see if it makes me feel more comfortable. I tried to talk to my mum, because I could always talk to her, about everything. But when I showed her the binder I wanted to buy, before I said anything about beeing transgender, she said: "But you don't really want to become a boy, I mean that can't be any higher goal for you!" I didn't expect her to celebrate it, but I really thought she would react differently.

    So here I am, no clue who I am, who I want to be or what to do now. I don't know if I'm transgender, I've always hated my boobs and the shape of my body, but I have no problem with femininity. Some of my hobbies are typically female, some are typically male. Maybe I should stop thinking in categories. And I remember wishing to be a boy when I was younger. And doesn't the fact, that I spend so much time thinking about my gender, show that I am transgender? Do cis-people ask these questions? And what does that mean for my sexuality? Am I gay then? What can I do to figure out who I am? :help:
     
    #1 the nerd, Jan 8, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2016
  2. YinYang

    YinYang
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    First, calm down. Breathe. It's going to be ok.
    Do you want to be a boy? I'm not talking about being masculine. Do you want to be a boy, with a flat chest and no curves and a penis. Remember, you can be a boy and still be feminine. Femininity is an aspect of gender expression, which is different from gender identity. For example, I'm agender but I like to present as very masculine, even though my personality is androgynous.
    To be honest, I don't think most cis people question their gender so intensely. I'm sure it has happened before, and that's perfectly fine, but usually, if you're asking whether or not you're a girl, you're probably not a girl.
    As for your sexuality, are you sexually attracted to men? Women? What about romantically?
     
    #2 YinYang, Jan 8, 2016
  3. the nerd

    the nerd
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Yes. Yes, I want to be a boy. And I'm attracted to boys, so I guess I'm gay, bi- or pansexual. And that's what I always think when I'm allone in my room, but as soon as I talk to somebody I'm not sure anymore. I'm afraid to talk about it. I guess I didn't really need to ask this question, because I already knew, but I kinda hoped that it was just a phase? :confused:
     
    #3 the nerd, Jan 8, 2016
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