I came out to my friends a few months ago, asking them to call me by a new name and pronouns. They're doing pretty well with the name, but they seem to have kind of missed the point because they still only use "she." I'm kind of scared to correct them because I'm a shy person and we usually hang out in groups of 4-7 so I don't want everyone's attention on me, and I'm not sure how everyone will react. So I guess if anyone has advice on how to bring it up that would be helpful. I did finally say something about it to one of my closest friends through text tonight, and he told me using male pronouns for me would make him uncomfortable. I might be able to get him to use they, which I don't have a problem with, but I don't really see why I should have to compromise. It seems to me that if someone asks you to call them something, you do it, because it's about them, not you. Am I being selfish on this?
No, you are not being selfish. Transitioning is something that you do to feel better about yourself. If they are truly your friends, then using the correct pronouns would not make them uncomfortable. It would take some getting used to though. I had to sit some of my friends down and explain to them how uncomfortable the wrong pronouns made me. I also told them that it could be dangerous if I was in a situation where I was passing. It may take a few times for it to stick, but in the end it is worth it if you are more comfortable.
Aw, that sucks for you. But it happens to me a lot, too. People won't use gender-neutral pronouns for me even if they hear everybody else do it, know that I'm trans and know my new (gender-neutral) name. Not unless I tell them: "Yes, I actually want you to use my correct pronouns as well, thank you ever so much." The "if-they-are-your-friends-they-will-respect-your-pronouns" is an old wisdom, but at times it can seem kinda black-and-white. Some friends will just not understand what it means to you to be misgendered at first, or you want to keep your friends even if they are struggling a lot with your pronouns... I'd suggest you think about which one of your friends will be the most actively supportive (maybe someone who has a strong standing with the others and is not shy themselves) and tell them about it, with the hint that it'd be nice if they also a) used the pronouns a lot in front of the other friends or b) tell them explicitly about it. Maybe also give them some background information on how pronouns are important for trans people, so they don't react like that other person? Best of luck!
In my experience people have less of a problem with using a new name than with using new pronouns. At first I found it funny when people used Aaron and she in one sentence, but after a while it just got annoying. Try to talk to your friend again and ask him why it would make him feel uncomfortable to make your life easier. Tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel when he uses wrong pronouns. I think it's fine when people mess up every once in a while, but it's important to see that they're making an effort.
