I've been questioning my gender since around March or April of 2015. I originally thought myself to be MTF, but I am not sure. I don't feel consistently female, but I hate being referred to as male and I hate my body. I can barely stand to look at myself I hate it so much. I've always hated my body and often wished to wake up in a different one. When I was very young, I imagined what name I would have if I was a girl. When I imagine myself at my happiest, I see a girl. The problem is that I still consider myself sexually male. My thoughts of sex are always about p/v sex, and the idea of being with women as a woman seems strange to me. What's worse is that I can't experiment or explore my gender because I live with my parents still, and my father is super transphobic and homophobic. His reaction to the mere possibility that his straight son might consider herself to be his lesbian daughter is not something I can bear to think about. I'm so confused. I thought I could be okay being genderfluid, but my body is so abhorrent to me that I can barely stand it. I want to be more feminine, but I don't know how without being obvious about it, other than growing out my hair. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
I feel like this a lot. Sexual I want to be female but I enjoy what I have and I go back and forth on the issue. I found the more I do to present as a woman the more I feel like one. Not as a consistent trend but rather in the moment. I also hate being called a boy and I very much hate my body. Personally I think I could be a tomboy or just an independent woman but my wife seems to figure I may be androgyne or gender fluid. Honestly right now it may not really be something to think too hard about. The world won't end if you're a woman and as much as you may dislike it (me too) you could be gender fluid. Who knows? I've heard that people who are binary Trans may still experience dysphoria that fluctuates so that could also be a source of the "fluid" aspect of it. Hey. I'm right here with you. It's weird and confusing but honestly your parents may just reject it and see you as male. So. Be careful around them but don't make what they think more important than it is
