Questions about socialization (for everyone)

Being socialized as female has really affected me. I have a very difficult time making friends with men because I was only exposed to female friends at a young age. Lots of things were gender-segregated too, like sleepovers (even in like second grade, boys wouldn't be allowed to sleep over, which is so dumb), and in middle school boys and girls were separated during lunch.

It has created a big impact. I'm only fourteen, but when it comes down to gender roles, things are a lot better now than they were ten years ago. I remember being a small child and loving to play with pretty much any toy put in front of me, whether it be a "girl" toy or "boy" toy.

I can recall being told stuff like, "You can't play with Hot Wheels! You're a girl!" and "That shirt is for boys!"

Oh yes, and a couple of years ago my mom said, "You're thirteen now, a teenager. You need to start wearing makeup. All girls your age do."

At my friend's birthday a couple of years back, they were doing each other's makeup. I took no interest in the activity. My friend's friend said, "Ugh, stop being so difficult. You're a girl. You'll look better with it on."

Even those small comments have caused great stress upon me. I can remember in the beginning of 8th grade putting on makeup everyday before school so I could fit in with the girls and please my mom.

I'm a bit bitter towards cis people. I try not to be, but I can't help it. I hate how I'll be told I'm not a "real man" without having a penis, whether the person telling me that is male or female.

Yes, very much so. I think at this moment my social dysphoria is worse than my body dysphoria.

I think it's people understanding and accepting me.

 

1) I think being socialized as female has lead to me being more feminine and has caused me to use more feminine mannerisms. I also connect better to straight females and gay men than I do straight men and lesbians because of my socialization. I also tend to have feminine habits and interests.

2) made me think I was too feminine to be transgender for a while. It does raise a lot of doubts at time. At the same time, while one side of my family raised me feminine the other side gave me free rein to be who ever the hell I wanted and I was always told by them that girls and boys can like the same things. So when I first started questioning my thinking would go along the lines of
"I liked playing with dolls though." Then I'd tell myself there are boys who did too, my brother played with dolls when my dad wasn't looking just like I'd play with my brothers' actions figures.
"I like sports" which lead to the thinking of "but so do my friends" which was followed by "but I'm not them" because as much as I was like them I just didn't feel like I was like them.

3) it hasn't really affected my feelings towards them at all. I might find some cis females annoying but then I can find cis males annoying. I don't understand why I need to be jealous or bittee or hateful towards them. I mean, they can't help how they were born and raised anymore than I can. This doesn't really have anything to do with my socialization and more with how I view the world.

4) yeah. When you want to be seem as a man having feminine traits can be looked down. I struggle more with how little it doesn't effect me.

5) the whole "you're to feminine to be trans" thing.

 

How do you think your socialization affected you overall?

I was socialized as female and because of this, I generally move, behave, talk, etc. in the way that's expected of women. I get along better with women. I like a lot of things women are expected to like. I really internalized by socialization very thoroughly.

How has it affected your feelings about your own gender identity?

It bothers me that I walk and talk in a way that's seen as feminine because it will affect my ability to pass, but the rest I've moved past. It used to bother me that I liked "girl stuff" but ultimately, all that stuff is just gender roles and stereotypes. It still upsets me when I am expected to do certain things "because I'm a girl" simply because that reminds me that other people don't think of me as a guy, but otherwise my socialization generally doesn't bother me. What society expects of girls and guys is silly and arbitrary and has nothing to do with my gender.

How has it affected your feelings toward cis people on both the male and female sides of the spectrum?

I'm jealous of cis guys, but that's more about bodies than about socialization. I don't feel like it did affect my feelings towards cis people. I don't see how it would?

Do you struggle to overcome the effects of your socialization?

I'm working on adopting a more masculine way of walking and talking to help with my ability to pass. It’s also still hard to deal with the fact that people only compliment me when I look feminine because, on some level, that’s what they want and expect from me, even if they know I’m not a very feminine person.

 

"amab" here.


1) how do you think your socialization affected you overall?

Hard to tell. I was harassed/bullied by peers since I was about 7 and school started... which reached its peak when I was about 13-14 I guess, and only ended as I got to about 16-17 years old and people around me started to be old enough to leave me alone. Since I graduated high school I've been breaking free from my own shell I've built over the years. So most of my socialisation made me feel insecure and made me pursue ways to be a respectable male. I also have "male" hobbies (which I genuienly like). So... it affected me in such a way that I feel pressure to express myself in a certain way, not show weaknesses, feelings, be confident... stuff expected from men, that for me were things I embraced and tried to nurture to feel like I'm normal. It used to work. I also did not open up to the idea of being bisexual/gay/whatever until like 19yo... probably because it would be too much to cope with. I'm unable to form a close relationship in romantic sense.

2) How has it affected your feelings about your own gender identity?

I'm not really sure. I've struggled to be a man all my life and now it feels like I was cheated at some point. And by struggle I do not mean dysphoria, I mean peer pressure. It was all I needed to feel insecure. I think, that if it affected my gender in any way, it would be that I've built a protective shell around me to not allow myself to feel unmanly.

3) How has it affected your feelings toward cis people on both the male and female sides of the spectrum?

Apart from social fears I keep trying to get rid of (and a lot of these are no longer with me, thankfully)? I feel alienated from men, and affraid of judgement from women. I wish society was more accepting of otherness. I wish I could live without fear someone will be violent against me just because of who I am.

4) Do you struggle to overcome the effects of your socialization?

Of course I do. I keep trying to allow myself to express more of my real self - like, I'm not trying to hide the way I gesture, the way I sit... trying to be openly bisexual, that sort of stuff. Break that shell and stop being afraid.

5) If you do then what part do you struggle with the most?

Fear of rejection, and that if I'm somehow wrong about my identity... that I won't bear the shame of detransition.

 

1) how do you think your socialization affected you overall?
I think I was relatively lucky insofar as I missed out on a lot of the typical aspects of female socialisation until later childhood - my parents were surprisingly neutral in how they raised me. It wasn't until tweenhood/my teens until I felt any heavy expectations to act and look 'like a girl' and that the interests and behaviours I'd previously expressed suddenly became 'unladylike'.

I did have a primarily female friend group, and I think that's definitely led to me getting on better (generally speaking) with girls and having relatively feminine speech patterns and mannerisms.

2) How has it affected your feelings about your own gender identity?

As a relatively feminine person, I definitely struggle to feel valid because I was pretty much comfortable with the Growing Up A Girl experience - it was the part that came after that that threw me off! I don't know why I can't just consider myself a gender non-conforming woman and leave it at that.

I definitely think the later aspects - the pressure to become a 'woman' - led to a pretty heavy rejection of femininity in my teens, and was a contributing factor in the period of time where I basically Guy Tryharded through early college. When being a girl felt so unappealing, it felt like the only logical answer at the time that I must have been a guy.

As for now, I'm glad of it. I'd rather have been socialised as female than as male.

3) How has it affected your feelings toward cis people on both the male and female sides of the spectrum?

I can't think of a particular way it has, not in general!

4) Do you struggle to overcome the effects of your socialization?

I don't think so? I think my lucky early years instilled in me an understanding that it was okay to act in the ways that felt natural to me and like the things I liked - by the time the standards turned around, my reaction was more 'Well why the hell can't I do/like this?' than to shy away from doing or liking what I wanted.

Actually, I say that, but I still can't bring myself to wear shorts in summer. I don't think my bare legs have seen sunlight in a public place for years because I know how vocal people can be about body hair on people they read as girls. I love the hell out of my body, but being socialised as female has taught me very well that a lot of people have a lot to say about mine, and all "girls' bodies" in general.

5) If you do then what part do you struggle with the most?

See above, I guess?