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Am I trans? Or just not down with gender norms?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by JDrayn, Jan 13, 2016.

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  1. JDrayn

    JDrayn
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Louisville
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    So I'm a 27 year old born male. Married to a bisexual woman and we have a 2 year old daughter. I know I'm straight. I like women. A lot. And for the most part I identify as male. For a while now I've been upset with male gender norms. Mainly jealous of how women get to wear their hair in so many different ways or paint their nails or even wear eye liner. I'm also a gamer. In many video games I play a female character. Not because it gives me something nice to look at, but because the female characters usually have the better customization options. I feel that is the root of my jealousy. Women get more body customization options that are acceptable than men do that aren't permanent (i.e. tattoos). I've always enjoyed having long hair, and I've recently started growing it out again since college. But this time I'm being a little more style conscious about it. I'm really considering starting to wear nail polish and when I style my hair it tends to be in more feminine styles. My wife is very supportive, but she just doesn't have the answers. I'm not sure what to think about myself. All my life I feel like I've been acting a certain way and appearing a certain way because it is what is expected. But at the same time, I don't feel that I want to be a woman. But maybe somewhere in between? David Bowie's recent death made me think about my History of Rock n' Roll class in college and how I admired is androgyny. Does the desire to be androgynous make me trans gendered?
     
    #1 JDrayn, Jan 13, 2016
  2. baconpox

    baconpox
    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Mo. There's nothing wrong with being a feminine guy. You can do whatever you want--long hair, female video game characters, feminine hair, it doesn't make you transgender.
     
    #2 baconpox, Jan 13, 2016
  3. Spot

    Spot
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    Location:
    Wonderland
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi :smilewave

    I don't think that you are a transwoman, a lot of the things you talked about don't really indicate that you are. You did you that you don't feel that you want to be a woman but you say that maybe you want to be somewhere in-between. This makes me think that you might be non-binary so I have some questions for you :slight_smile: Do you want to have an androgynous body or just wear androgynous clothing? Also, do you feel uncomfortable being referred to as male? Would you feel comfortable with gender neutral pronouns (they/them, etc)? These things aren't necessary to be trans but they can be an indicator. Hope I could help, good luck!
     
    #3 Spot, Jan 13, 2016
  4. AlexTheGrey

    AlexTheGrey
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    WA, USA
    Gender:
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    So, I'd say you seem to reveal a lot about yourself right here. You say you don't feel that you want to be a woman. You do admire someone who seems to represent an ideal expression for you though. Honestly, I might just re-read what you said in a day or two, and it might actually help you (it does for me, old posts are surprisingly illuminating).

    Perhaps some of the confusion stems from identity vs expression? What we tend to conflate into gender really breaks down into many continua. The link might help serve as a jumping off point for untangling this for you.
     
    #4 AlexTheGrey, Jan 13, 2016
  5. pinkclare

    pinkclare
    Full Member

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    Location:
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    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    The way I often look at it is to imagine a world where we socially treat gender in a way that would be ideal to you. In this scenario, would you be happy living in your current body, being socially allowed whatever presentation feels right to you? If so, you are probably not transgender, but rather gender nonconforming.

    If, on the other hand, no amount of "fixing" society could fully solve what you are feeling, if only *actually* becoming female (or otherwise non-male...no reason to feel you have to stick with the binary genders!), then you may be trans.
     
    #5 pinkclare, Jan 14, 2016
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