Anyone who decided not to transition?

I'm pretty sure I won't transition, I might go on hormone treatment at some point in my life, but it's gonna be a while.

I've known I'm trans since I found out about the word when I was around 10 and have been coping with dysphoria all my life like most trans people. I was 100% sure I was going to transition until maybe my late teens, where I started to think about children and that I wanted biological ones. And freezing eggs and all that.. Really isn't a easy or even safe that it will work as an option so...
I had my first child a year and a half ago, managed to get through pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding for 1 year without dying from dysphoria.

I'm nowadays fully out and still in the process of people understanding my gender. So why won't I transition? Well, I'm pretty sure I want another kid. But that's not something I want in the near future.

Sure, I feel dysphoria every day. I think about transitioning every day and I honestly still don't know what's best. But I know for sure just getting on hormone treatment without thinking this through for probably years, I'm gonna make a huge mistake.
But I'm coping. I've managed to pass pretty well with just contouring makeup, right kind of clothes, hairstyle and such. My biggest problem is my voice though but I'm looking into voice training for transmen.

Sorry for super long answer but I hope that helped in some way XD

 

Gender dysphoria becomes worse as time passes, the only way you would ever be able to survive long term is by disconnecting and numbing yourself, as someone who lived in such a state for most of her life I can tell you that it is a horrible existence. You have no sense of self and always feel so lost and alone. You will always feel trapped behind the mask, a disconnected spirit and never be able to connect with others intimately, on a deeper level. You will only be able to live life through others and never truly feel whole. The world will become a grey and empty place for you. So yes, it is possible but will you ever truly be alive if you live the rest of your life behind a mask?

 

Ah you meant that way.
I did try that for four years, it caused severe depression, anxiety, social anxiety that I still struggle with every day to the degree I can't work or study... Though you should know that it wasn't the only reason for those things, but a big part it.
Denying, hiding you gender identity is not something that's good for your mental health.

 

Sometimes I think about this. I wonder whether the pain and hassle of transitioning would be any better than the dysphoria I get if I don't transition. Hence I'm holding it off to make a decision later.

 

I believe this is your answer. (*hug*)

 

I have to agree based on what you said. Here's what sucks: you don't meet "expectations" of gender, and so you will be questioned, doubted, and dissuaded from moving forward. The reality is that while some may be well intentioned, they are coming from a place of trying to help you by "normalizing" you. Research shows that it doesn't work. You MUST follow your heart above all else in this situation. Your truth is the truth.

 

Not for everyone, it gets easier for some people.

 

Here's a research article I found about the progression of gender dysphoria over a person's life:

The Gender Variant Phenomenon: A Developmental Review

"For those who continue to struggle inwardly with their gender issues into mid-life, new issues come to the fore. As a time when most people realize that about half of life has been lived and feel the need to make an accounting of who they are and what they have done with their lives, this period can be especially anxiety provoking for the gender-dysphoric individual. Decades of trying to overcome an increasing gender expression deprivation anxiety begin to weigh heavily on the individual. Family and career are now as deeply rooted as they will ever be. The idea of starting over as a member of a different sex has become seemingly impossible. The fact that the need to change sex has increased rather than diminished, despite Herculean efforts, is now undeniable. "

With all honesty, not the best of articles, but I've seen little evidence that gender dysphoria becomes easier to cope with as you grow older. There are always exceptions but in general, as far as I know, gender dysphoria never goes away and usually becomes worse as you grow older which is why most trans women transition in their 30s because at that point they simply can't cope anymore.

 

Research is research but that's not my personal experience AT ALL.

But then again, I have certain severe medical conditions that prevent me from transitioning, ever, and so coming to terms - and continuing with the process - was absolutely mandatory... lest dysphoria-related suicide be imminent as research likes to show.

The suggestion that it is only through numbing that I have survived thus far is naive because how does ANYONE know what I have experienced, lived through, and worked through for the last nearly 10 years of non-transitioned dysphoria?

That said, please, please, PLEASE let's not paint things as black and white absolutes if we don't have to because it does a disservice to the actual truth.

As a fellow trans person, I can definitely appreciate the struggles of experiencing gender dysphoria as I'm nearing 10 years myself, but gender dysphoria does NOT have to be the end of the world and it is NOT because I am in denial or numb that I am saying this.

 

This may be true for yourself, but you have to be careful not to pass generalizations on others. There are many that can or will never go on hormones or transition in any way because it is too dangerous either socially or medically.

We have to remember that hormones are simply just a tool, they are not the endgame. It's dangerous to go on hormone therapy thinking that it is going to fix everything. It doesn't. There is still a lot you have to go through. If you are disconnected not transitioning, most likely that is a separate issue from transitioning.

That being said, we should not be arguing about other people's experiences. The important thing is that we listen to and learn from them.

 

Sorry, I take back what I said and accept the criticism and will try to avoid making generalizations in the future. :icon_redf

Edit: I can see that I fell into the trap of creating a comlex narrative based on intuition and defining the experience of being trans in context of my own experiences. In the end, I can't ignore the fact that many transition much later in life and some do turn out ok. Anyway, my deepest apologies as it is definitely irresponsible to push anyone towards transitioning if they aren't ready to do so. :icon_sad:

 

now i just think if i had the work done my parents would love me and treat me like a son or something just maybe i can have that family 101 who know right?

serious i'm not really thinking about that right now

even though i'm around so many people i just feel so far away

right now i feel like i just need a arm to lean on i need some body to lean on

 

I tend to flip back and forth between wanting to transition and not wanting to because I'm worried about medical complications.

None the less this is your choice and no one else's. Judging by what you've said OP it sounds like you really want to so I say (if that is how you feel) you shouldn't let others sway you.

 

No.

My mum wasn't supportive too. I thought a lot of times about just forgetting I was neutrois. Other times I thought "ok I'll stop being so weird, what the fuck was I thinking??" And try to be a cis girl. It didn't work. I was more dysphoric than ever. I cried for... An hour. Locked in the bathroom. Not having courage to tell my mom that what she was doing was not ok. Then I went to my bed. To sleep. The only way of getting my dysphoria off. I dreamt (and I still dream) that some people sometimes use male, neutral pronouns... That I enter the boys bathroom and no one noticed it, I dreamt with a flat chest... (And this behavior continued for some weeks) then one day I woke up and I thought: not anymore.
I started reaffirming my identity, even if my mom wasn't really ok, I enrolled in some cool classes as male (and presented as it, as "Lee", too) And started (trying to) talking lower(!)

 

I second that. You close off and lose your sense of being an actual person. If you were a character in a book you wouldn't be able to pick yourself out. On top of that your emotions get out of hand and when you feel something it is almost never positive. It's like you can feel happy or laugh but it isn't real happiness.
Until meeting my wife and believing I would always be accepted for myself I spent my life (especially after puberty) getting more and more detached and dysphoric. Once I met people who embraced my "feminine side" I felt truly happy and didn't worry much about what anyone thought. I was truly alive and I finally had confidence for once. And then I got scared that I wouldn't be accepted by anyone else and that I wasn't good enough so retreated back in to my she'll to make my wife happy.
It didn't make her happy and you won't make anyone else happy by pretending because those feelings don't vanish, they change. They morph into resentment and unfelt compassion or a complete lack of empathy. Eventually you trade a life where they are confused temporarily or upset as they go through the steps for a life where they slowly grow to want nothing to do with you as you slip away from humanity and become basically a cold and potentially abusive Jerk.

I never thought I could become the person I became because I was so loving and open and empathic and warm but years of self abuse and shame and guilt can actually scar and mar a person beyond recognition.

If I am anything like the norm then no. It. Is. Not. Even. Slightly. Worth it.

---------- Post added 16th Jan 2016 at 11:58 PM ----------

But I do understand all the people who can't or won't transition. That is it'd own journey that takes place in a different mindset. If you are not against the idea of transitioning socially and medically just because you wish you were normal then I would have to tell you that you do not really, statistically, stand much of a chance against that dysphoria long term, mental-health-wise.

But I don't know you. You could be much stronger and healthier than me. I have a mild amount of trauma. But trauma and coping skills tend to relate inversely so I'm not totally cut out to handle all that life throws at me if I see a simpler way out of my pain.

Just. Make the choice that takes in to consideration that almost nobody here has totally said dysphoria gets better (from firsthand experience) and think about whether or not that sounds about right for you

 

As has been said above, I really don't recommend it.

When you start to know about it, your dysphoria gets stronger. The only way to ease dysphoria significantly is to transition, whether it be socially or physically.

Those who didn't transition usually suffer a great deal and it's not worth it if you can avoid it.