1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it even worth it?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by IDont Say Aboot, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. IDont Say Aboot

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Saskatchewan
    Okay, for the past month I have known for sure that I am nonbinary, and since about a week ago I have narrowed it down to either agender or demibigender. However, now I've started to get a frickton of dysphoria, body and social, and it's only getting worse. I've also been getting angry at myself "Why couldn't I have just been dis!?" And "I should have just pushed away the gender doubts to begin with!" With puberty a decent way through, every day I see my hint of a moustache getting darker, hear my voice getting deeper, and other things. It's practically painful.
    However, I am good at lying to myself, and making myself believe something that isn't true. I could, without much difficulty, probably convince myself that I am really a guy, and that would likely eliminate the dysphoria. My question is: should I go through with that? Is it really worth whatever ends up happening that doesn't seem very hopeful at the moment if I stay on this road if I get so angry at myself, and hate looking at any sort of reflective surface?
    Please only answer if you know that you really think your answer is true and have reasons.. No automatically responding with "stay true to yourself because stay true to yourself blablabla". Reasons please.
    Thanks to anyone who responds, and sorry that this sounds grouchy because it's almost finals and everything in this post and school assignments by the tonne.
     
  2. Secrets5

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello,

    I don't think lying to yourself, however good you are, will change your inner biological gender as some homosexual/bisexual people try to lie that they're straight and it doesn't change their biological sexuality.
     
    #2 Secrets5, Jan 15, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2016
  3. baconpox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2014
    Messages:
    963
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you can get rid of your dysphoria by convincing yourself you're a guy, you shouldn't medically transition. It'll save you thousands of dollars, and if you can get rid of dysphoria, you'll most likely end up detransitioning later.
     
  4. DRex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2015
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've thought of doing the same ever since I started questioning my identity. I could probably do alright by just forgetting the feelings of wanting to be female I've had since I was 13, but there is one thing holding me back.

    I have heard too many stories of people who denied their feelings for many years, up until the issues became too much to handle and they ended up having to transition anyways. A lot of these people had gotten married and started families by that point, and the stress of putting that on them tore said families apart. I don't want to put that burden on anyone, and I don't want to wait that long if that is who I am.

    I can't just dismiss this with that as a possible outcome. I need to be sure of myself, and I think you owe yourself that chance as well.
     
  5. TheRealTheaJane

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2015
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brighton, UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Heyy =^.^=

    It sounds like you've recently got an upsurge of dysphoria after confirming with yourself that you're not "cisgender"and this is causing you to regret it? I can safely say you're not alone, as soon as you put a diagnosis to something it seems to feel worse: myself (and probably a lot of us here) had this exact same problem. I went from barely any dysphoria to rocking back and forth under the duvet screaming into the pillow! I thought I was lying to myself about the whole gender thing.

    Think back to other feelings you've had, or maybe when you've lied to yourself before. Has this feeling lasted longer? Because if it's been going on for quite a while it's likely to rear it's hideous head later in life, which you really don't want to happen.
     
  6. IDont Say Aboot

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Saskatchewan
    I can''t really figure anything out about the last thing TheaJane, because I only started questioning in like August. This is basically the first body dysphoria I've had... And I really don't like it. Although from the sounds of all of these it would be worse to lie to myself about this than just continue along. Does it go away eventually?
     
  7. paris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Bohemia, CZ
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I may be wrong but I think everyone has their own limit for how long they're capable of lying to themselves, probably because lying is not natural and takes lots of energy. Look at the LGBT Later In Life forum for example. There are many people who managed to hide their true selves for some time but after 5, 10, 15... years they realized they can't do it anymore. Just give it time and see where it takes you. (*hug*)
     
  8. BriSoft

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2016
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisville, KY
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You are certainly not alone. *hugs*

    After years of thinking that my desire to be female was just a kink (I am a BDSM submissive), and using the term sissy for myself I am starting to think I am trans. Since I know trans folks, including my GF, that seem so certain of their identity I feel strangely guilty that I am not more driven for change.

    I was even call AGP as an insult even though I am not truly clear on what that even means.

    Give yourself some time to get perspective on your newer feelings. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in analysis that we don't let our emotions and mental state catch up.

    We are here for you <3
     
  9. DemiLiHue

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2015
    Messages:
    299
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Chile
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    ¡If you have to lie to yourself, even if it is a tiny bit, dont. I did it and it only came out worse. Like, really worse.
     
    #9 DemiLiHue, Jan 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2016
  10. AaronV

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2015
    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Berlin (Germany)
    Gender:
    Male
    Dysphoria? The need to transition? No it doesn't. At least it didn't for me and maybe it's different because I'm not non-binary, but it only got worse.
    After figuring out I'm trans I didn't tell anyone for three years, hoping my feelings would just go away. I started living a double life, going to trans groups, not telling my parents or any close friends and it was pretty horrible, because I felt like I was lying to everybody at once.
    When I finally came out and was able to transition I felt so much better and honestly it's the best and most important decision I've made my entire life.

    Sure, you could try to hide it and to lie yourself into thinking you're cis, but I'd always wonder about what could have been. Since you're only thinking about this for a couple of months, give it a few more, try to focus on what is important to you and how you want to live your life.
     
  11. Jiramanau

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2014
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    where all the nuts roll downhill to
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Are you sure you can get rid of it and it's not just distracting yourself? In my opinion you're not going to question your gender unless you're somewhere on the grender-queer rainbow in the first place, the only question is what is your path? Labels only exist to discribe us, you're not defined by them and you don't figure it all out when you pick one. The labels change as you grow and discover/become yourself. The only questions you need to decide on transition are
    A) do you think you would be more comfortable the opposite gender roll?
    B) discribe your ideal body, if you could have been born with anything what would it be?
    C)how comfortable are you in your current body and gender role? Is this discomfort worth transitioning to escape
    Since you're young you will likely have great results from hormones, which is one advantage you lose with time. You're also at a point in life where you still have a lot of options before you and if you began now making your way in the world in your perfered gender you will have an easier time than if you do it later. My advice is to not settle. It's a lot easier to fallow your heart now than when you're older
     
  12. TheRealTheaJane

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2015
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brighton, UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Omg exactly the same! It really does suck, huh? :tears: Those who have felt it for years have all my respect =^.^=

    But tbh, if this is really lying to yourself then you much be doing it for a reason? Is it for attention? Is it to be overly empathetic to understand the community? Or is it that you're not lying to yourself and there really is something else at work here, because I'm pretty sure none of us would go through this out of sheer choice.

    If you let it lie and decide to do nothing for years and years, would you have been lying to yourself about having the dysphoria, or would you be lying to yourself about not having it?

    IME, it takes a while to get anywhere with gender clinics, so if you're really unsure either do nothing about it now and see if it goes away, or start acting on it and see if it gets better. You still have time to experiment :slight_smile: