So this is a sorta follow-up post to my other thread about trans guys and femininity. I wanted to talk about my own personal experiences, and put my story out there. I've noticed that the longer I've identified as trans and become even more comfortable in that label, the more I can allow myself to be feminine. This is a sharp contrast from the beginning of my questioning phase, where I didn't allow myself to like anything "girly" at all and I forced myself to be super masculine. Again, coming back to that whole "trans-enough" thing where if we don't fit all the gender roles, we're insecure. I've come to understand that my identity as male is far deeper and rooted in me than any arbitrary social guideline for masculinity. I'm male. I can look in the mirror naked or wearing "female" clothes and see a guy staring back at me. At my core, I am male. Socially and physically, I want to be male, and the constant dysphoria proves that. But what doesn't affect my gender is liking cute animals, bright colors, or any contrived thing like that. After all, we wouldn't label a tomboy as male because she doesn't adhere to typical gender expectations, right? In the same way, I am a feminine guy. My interests don't invalidate my gender. While I originally tried to deny any trace of femininity for fear of not being taken seriously as trans or just out of insecurity, I now feel very comfortable about that aspect of myself. I can wear a necklace if I want to. I can wear a fluffy robe and swoon over romance stories. I can like whatever color I so choose. I'm male. I'm Cody. And when I look in the mirror, I see a cute femme guy. Just because I sometimes fall outside the boundaries of gender roles doesn't make me less of guy, or even non binary for that matter. I'm me. I hoped that by sharing my story, I could help show other trans guys that it is perfectly okay to like what you like and do what you do, even if some people can't handle any disruption from their idea of gender roles being black and white. Things seldom are black and white, and gender is no exception. So, my fellow trans guy, and trans girls- I'm sure you can relate the other way around!- You aren't any less valid if you fall outside society's gender roles. Own your differences, be true to yourself!
If non-binary means not giving a shit about gender roles, then I guess I fall under that category too. I love shades of pink, stuffed animals, and I get very emotional about cartoons and vines of animals (fuck, I cry every time I see a the videos buzzfeed did where cat lovers were given a box of kittens and some drunk coworkers were given puppies). I think it's ridiculous that people can get hazed over things like this, when there's nothing wrong with that. We're no less men or women for enjoying what we do-as long as we aren't being douche canoes to others that is.
Thank you for sharing this, I have been having a battle with myself trying to deny everything feminine I do. I have come to realize that what I like and how I express myself has nothing to do with my gender! I am male and I want everyone to see me as one, even if my favorite color is purple, or if I call everything adorable! I am still me
Thank you! I am still battling that phase where I both want to embrace my old habits and hobbies but I have been so afraid of being invalidated that even my wife is freaked out that I'm acting so "not me." Being myself is the whole goal of this and I know that initially I might have to adopt some survival skills but I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone in just trying to embrace myself as My gender with my own personality instead of adhering to silly stereotypes. I'm proud of you and grateful you shared.
I think I can indeed relate in the "opposite way" MtF tomboy, that's a bit hard to accept inside, and I still haven't. I want to, though.
I'm so glad you're starting to feel this way! Been getting more and more comfortable in being feminine outside my close circle of friends as well, and it's such a good feeling about not having to worry about your masculinity. So I know how great this is.
Thank you! Though I'm not a trans male, I am currently going through the process of questioning myself and my gender and I've been constantly putting myself down for being so feminine (though I have yet to properly learn what is considered 'feminine' if I'm honest). I also fear that no one will take me seriously because of this since I've never been particularly masculine or neutral. Despite being loosely aware of everything you'd just said in some part of my confused, judgy teenager's mind, it still helps a ton to have it written out and in someone else's (much more thought-out) words. Hopefully, I can work towards being okay with how I behave and stop letting it determine whichever identity I find myself fitting into in the future. Sorry if my saying this is a bother, I'd just had the desire to express gratitude for the stressful, depressing weight your words kindly lightened off of my heart. It's much easier to breath knowing it's totally okay to act and be whoever I am and yet, in the end, without roles defining me, be whatever I believe myself to be from the bottom of my heart (I think I just ran around in circles, but I like to hope that I got my kinda silly point across).
