You call yourself a girl out loud in front of the friends you are out to. I ended up stopping mid-sentence full of shock because I didn't expect that to come out of my mouth. Just when my mood was getting better I have to make it worse and be full of doubt. :tears: (Sorry this was basically just a mini rant )
Hey, try to remain calm, if possible. You probably had to call yourself a girl for the majority of your life. You're used to doing it. I've been out to myself for three years and I still sometimes misgender myself in thoughts or have to focus on using the right name while introducing myself. A few weeks ago I talked about this with some of my trans friends and we all agreed that we still sometimes misgender ourselves and it's weird and sucks but it probably means less than you think. We always expect these changes to go fast, but in reality it's a process for everyone, especially yourself! This does not mean that you aren't trans and that you should stop transitioning right now.
I was talking about this with my friend from before I moved and I told her I felt so bad for even misgendering HER along with myself and she said it's normal. Sometimes we see ourselves and others and make snap judgements based on stupid superficial stuff. It's understandable and we're all learning how to unlearn what we were taught since before we were born. (Don't tell me your mom didn't talk to that baby inside her because she totally DID.) You're human, and you're still Jackson.
this thread made me feel better. i'm going by a different name now and i messed up two times: last week, i introduced myself as my old name and then immediately corrected myself and of course the guy was a total ball-buster kind of jerk and couldn't nicely just remember the correct name. he had to use both names. a week before that, i mistakenly used my old name in front of two friends (and one of these two is having a hard time using my new name) and they looked at each other and laughed, like they were waiting for me to screw it up. well, i'm not perfect. it makes me feel a little better knowing that i am not alone.