Recently, during these past few months I've had bouts of questioning my gender identity. I don't know, sometimes I feel absolutely fine with being female, like, loving my lady parts, but sometimes I'm not so sure? My gender expression's usually already pretty androgynous, especially at school, so I sometimes get labelled a "tomboy", but sometimes I have more "dude" days. I literally cannot stand myself and I don't feel comfortable in my clothes or with my breasts. And here's the thing, I'm not sure if I'm genuinely feeling dysphoria or anything like that, or if I'm just making it all up. See, I've always had some troubles with my self-image (e.g. issues with feeling too fat, or hating my breasts because they're compareably larger than my friends') so I'm not sure. Also, I'm always really doubting this idea partially because of the fear that I'm just fooling myself to make myself special, and partially because I'm in possible denial? Whew. That was really hard to describe in text. I hope I can finally find some answers here.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm afraid I can't give you any tips because I'm in pretty much the same situation. I can relate to the "am I making it up?" part especially. I hate this feeling of feeling kind of a connection to either sides and also the fear of missing something either way. (Idk if you also feel that) I hope you'll figure everything out soon, and just know that you're not alone (sorry I used the word "feeling" so much lol)
I was born male but always relate to women better - or at least, I could die for some girlfriends to go out shopping with and talking to. Or some queer-friendly guys. See, take an arbitrary store, like Old Navy. Now, when I go there, I go to the women's side and shop there first. ON isn't my favorite place to shop but it's a lot easier to try on women's clothes there than Lacoste! I'll tell you, I'm not really the pro-counselor type but after a few years, I went to one and they can be helpful when you have no one neutral to talk to (although some are not so good) so I hate to be that person that says "see a gender specialist" but if your parents are up for it, it may be worth your time. I thought I wanted to fully transition and then realized I was born male and who likes his male parts who just likes to wear girls' clothes. Maybe. I think. Life can be overwhelming.
Well the self image thing is mainly what a female would do. If you have dysphoria you would be asking questions like "why am I in the girls changing room/toilets?", and sometimes you feel like you want a dick. So if you do think about these things it is unlikely that you have dysphoria. Hope this helps!!!!
Haha, thanks for replying, and your use of "feeling" is very understandable. And yeah, it sucks to feel a connection to either sides but also a sorta disconnect. Ugh, this is getting me so frustrated because every time I try to convince myself otherwise, that I'm cisgender and with "the norms", I still feel deeply unsettled. I'm wondering though, other signs are there to figure out if one is genderfluid/non-binary/just not cis or not? I don't know anything else other than the dysphoria and that isn't even really clear to me. ---------- Post added 25th Jan 2016 at 06:37 PM ---------- Yes, yes, yes, to the part about relating to the opposite gender. To be honest, I'd love to go see a counselor or something at least once to get an unbiased opinion, but the problem is that I'm really darn busy, and I rely on my parents to get anywhere. Anywhere I go has to go through them, and I don't want them knowing yet so.... ---------- Post added 25th Jan 2016 at 06:45 PM ---------- Yeah, see, but here's the thing, whenever I try to tell myself that a hugely uncomfortable feeling just settles into me. I'm sometimes not comfortable with being called girl/woman or boy/man depending on the day (being DFAB obvs I get called my designated sex, but sometimes the dudes treat me one of their own). I don't know if I'm just an uncomfortable person in general, or if I'm actually experiencing the actual thing. Agh, I'm just so confused. I've tried crossdressing to look like a dude before and it's made me really darn happy, and sometimes I find myself looking at a classmate and thinking about how I'd just really want to be like him: athletic, without boobs, deep voice, and sometimes I find myself imagining if I had a dick. I don't know. Like the only thing I know right now is that I don't know, and that's what's realy frustrating me.
