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Dealing With Others, Ignorance, & Frustrations

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by H20, Jan 25, 2016.

  1. H20

    H20
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    Hi! I'm relatively new to accepting myself as a trans male, but once I fully learned what it meant I've connected with the term and it seems like the more days that pass, the more optimistic yet frustrated I get toward my life.

    While my family does support me, I don't think they really understand and I've noticed now some relatives are just speaking at me, not to me, and seem to be avoiding saying my name and all pronouns altogether. I understand the switch is going to take awhile, but to completely avoid it is just rude, and I'm more concerned with switching my name before enforcing male pronouns. Some people don't get why I want to change my name because my birth name is actually unisex, but I don't know how to explain it to them other than I'm disconnected from it and now when I think of someone using my birth name I get kinda... I guess it makes me extremely dysphoric generally.

    Also, I do come from a very teasing, joking family, but the sarcasm borderlines onto crude and insensitive at times, which makes it more difficult to explain things to them that I've been acutely aware of every little comment they make toward me since I've come out and some things they say really get to me. For example: "A new name is too hard to remember" or "Your birth name is perfect since it's for both boys and girls, I don't see why you want to change it." Then there's the issue where one person in particular at home just continues on using my birth name excessively even after I politely correct him, but he ignores me because he thinks it funny.

    I can honestly say I don't think they're trying to be transphobic, they just think this is something to tease me about in a "playful" manner to rile me. And because I instinctively get riled, I don't know how to make them see that this is more difficult for me when they do that and it hurts. I'm just not ready to absorb the jokes and it's mostly because they don't understand what being transgender is, and even though they say they support me and understand, I know they don't see me as a guy and I don't think they're trying. If they were strangers instead of family, it probably wouldn't be so bad, but it isn't. And they don't get the explanation that I completely identify as male, I have never felt female really, just accept that was what I was because I thought I had to, and being treated or thinking of myself as female is what depresses me. :bang:

    Any tips on how to deal with my family?

    Also, there's the fact I'm going to be going to be starting a new school soon and I don't know how to introduce myself because if I say I'm a guy, I feel like I'm lying to my peers/teachers, but saying I'm a girl feels like I'm betraying myself. I know on the paperwork everything has to match my certificate and all, but I mean after all that. Should I just say I'm a trans guy?

    I apologize for the length of my post. I just want to make sure I'm not excluding anything important on this subject.

    Appreciate any advice I can get. Thanks!
     
  2. eden

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    i'm DMAB and my real name at school is different than what i go by. i am also genderfluid but not sure that i want to transition.

    as far as your name at school goes, what worked for me this term was either poiltely explaining (where the whole class could hear) "my name on the sheet is 'x' but i go by 'y'" or catching the professor before the first class starts and just saying "hey, (see above quote)". screw what the rest of the class thinks. they're probably gonna whisper, anyway.

    if you are in the middle of transitioning, why not say so? it's ok to say you're a trans guy.

    with your family, you have it better than me, but my family's sense of humor sounds like yours. just continue to politely correct them. that's what i do with my friends. the ones that have stopped using my preferred name altogether (which, this is all new to me as well) i'll be using their name in greeting and if i don't hear my name back, i'll say something.

    i hardly see my actual family so on those days, i wear my blue hat and they can call me by my birth name. i'm not able to be my true self around them anyway. i'm the youngest in the whole family and it's not worth the trouble.

    i get riled easily, too.
     
  3. H20

    H20
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    Thanks eden! I know I have it sort of good with my family (compared to others), but I'm still uncomfortable around them, like I can never really be myself around them and if I do, I'm going to get jokes because they never know when to be serious. I appreciate your response though, since just knowing I can relate to someone even slightly helps, and I guess I will have to just politely correct them until I find a way to explain this to them - not like I really have a choice.

    I'm the youngest in my family too - in my immediate family at least.
     
  4. eden

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    yep. i've got one in particular who jokes a lot, they're so tough to deal with. friends are different. we probably have quite a bit in common - i'm new to this though and not sure how much to say or who to trust.

    i also posted my 'story' in another forum and maybe i should have put it here since gender identity is my issue.
     
  5. H20

    H20
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    I'm new to this to. It actually hasn't been that long since I realized I was a transdude, but as soon as I learned exactly what it was, I resonated with it. My transition process began immediately.

    As for your story, there is a coming out forum I think (I'm very new to this site) and some threads are general for everyone, so I don't think it matters where you post it. But if you want more advice or people who'd understand, this forum probably would've been better. Depends I guess.